I Rocked it Until the Wheels Fell Off

It's safe to say that this fall I rocked some stellar bad habits until the healthy train  wheels fell off. and derailed myself. and caught fire. with explosions. Writing this today I'm sitting at my kitchen table wearing some suuuuuppper tight workout gear. I'm totally uncomfortable sitting in my own home wearing this and the jiggle and reflection I saw while doing a Cycle class this morning was enough to make me mad.

I totally get that there are seasons to life. You'll have times of great success and then periods of stagnant growth. And then you'll also have times when it all falls to pieces and you're stuck wondering where the heck did it go wrong? Only this time I'm not really wondering. I know good & well what happened. Which makes it feel all the more yucky. 

Here is what happened. Let's get it out. Set it on fire & move on. I'm going to be honest & if you're starting your own road to getting healthy, losing the baby weight, and or starting weight loss journey # 56, like me, you should get honest with yourself too. This didn't happen over night. To either of us. 

• I began to  reward myself with food again. 
• I got too confident. I gave up on relying on God because it became something that I *knew* how to manage. I no longer prayed the prayer of giving control back to God. I *had* this. (and that obviously worked out swell for me). 
• cheat meals became cheat weeks became cheat months
• Every. single.slice. of bread. was eaten. 
• I  took the mindset that as long as I was working out once a week I could eat what I wanted. "I was still working out...."
• a few relationships in my life turned sour. and it made me angry, feeling betrayed, and sad. Instead of turning  to exercise to work through stress I turned back to food.
•  I whined to  myself "I don't have tiiimmmmeeeee anymoreeee...." wahhhh baby! 
• I'm mad....let's eat chipotle
• I'm sad.... let's eat McDonalds
• I'm stressed....hand over the goldfish and Doritos
• I'm happy.....let's eat ice cream
• When I noticed  weight creeping back on---I ignored it. Meh, who cares about a few pounds. NBD.

Only now I CARE! and I'm PISSED! and I'm MOTIVATED. and GOSH DARN IT LAURA BETH YOU TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now that the wheels are off, the truth is out, where do I begin? Where do we begin? 

At the beginning my friends.  It's a very good place to start. When we read we begin with ABC. when we lose weight we begin with DO NOT EAT.

DO NOT EAT THE CRAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.  10 finger snaps if you caught that reference. :) 

I started tracking my meals using WW again. I'm measuring my portions and making sure to stay within my range. We joined our local YMCA so that I have facilities available and child care taken care of so there are no excuses. Week one down and my weigh in is on Monday. I'm really hoping for a change in the scale. It's just as hard the second time around. It will get better. Can't wait for that.