ramblings

i'm on maternity leave. so in honor of not being a teacher for next three months, i have decided to forgo capitalization. mmmkkay? :)

normally when i sit down to write, i have a plan...a general idea of what i want to write about-- a theme, an issue, a worry, anyway. today i don't have a plan. instead, i'd like to just let you enjoy the random ramblings and thoughts of my very pregnant brain.

i.....laura elizabeth gambrel....am a control freak. let's be honest, i like to control a lot of things. i like to control my day, my students, my appearance, my weight, my schedule, scott (shh..don't tell him) , my free time, and various other things. on the last day of my pregnancy, i've realized that there is ABSOLULTELY nothing you can control with pregnancy. NOTHING! i think that might be part of the reason why, at times, it has been hard for me. i'm not going to be able to control everything ( like i wish i could) when lilly is here either. it's been a long nine months of the Lord telling me, "laura, give up your white knuckled grip on your life! you're not in control anyway, I AM!" you'd think that i woulda realized this before now. but i am a control freak AND i am stubborn. :) so the past few days has been filled with a lot of prayer. the Lord has blessed scott and I immensely. it's time that i really, honestly, and truly just GIVE IT UP. So here we are...day one. i'm along for the ride, Lord....let me know when we're there.


i love carrie underwood. i heard that her new single is about tony romo. it makes sense!! COWBOY casanova?! speaking of my friend carrie, yesterday i was singing to my iPod while attempting to clean and not fall over. a struggle. i love carrie's songs because she rocks, but i also love her because her range is perfect for me. not to high...not to low. i feel like i can 'kinda' keep up with her. anyway.....singing very pregnant is hard! i could sing maybe 3-4 words and i would get so out of breath! lilly was probably thinking "mom, give it up! you're going to give yourself an asthma attack and all this breathing is shaking me all around! i'm not going to flip, give.it.up!" I just couldn't though. i was all inspired and super excited for her new album. (november 2nd in case you were wondering). when carrie gets a grip on you, you just havta sing. holly knows what i'm talkin bout! :)

confession: i haven't cooked a true meal in over two months. tonight i am going to. i'm going to make my amazing husband a meal that will knock his socks off. the last night of "just the two of us" shouldn't include our regular dinner of pb and j (scott)and tostinos pizzas (laura) . i'm pullin out the big guns (and my dusty pots and pans) tonight. hopefully i don't set the house on fire!

pray for me tomorrow morning! i'm still scared to death about the c-section. pray also that scott doesn't have a date with the tile floor in the OR. i need him! more than he'll ever know...

this time tomorrow, i'll be carrying my daughter on the OUTSIDE. holy crap. sitting here feeling her kicks and nudges makes me a little sad. i'm gonna miss this. a new chapter is beginning, my pregnancy is ending (hallelujah), and i'm not in control.


love-love

told ya i was going to ramble ;)

is it just me or is this week going extremely s.....l......o.......w........?

five days for those counting down...five days

How far along? 38 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: definitely more than I planned, but WHATEVER. +45
Maternity clothes? : clothes in general don't work right now
Stretch marks? so far no....5 days to remain stretchie free

Best moment this week: finally listening to my dr. and going on maternity leave early and receiving a beautiful diamond necklace from scott.
Movement: She isn't moving as much as in previous weeks. She has the hiccups a few times a day though. Each little stretch hurts, however I'm not ready for that feeling to be gone. No matter how much it hurts.

Food cravings: oh....everything.
Labor Signs:I've had contractions for most of this week. I've never been so miserable.

Belly Button in or out? flat
What I miss: Can't wait for Jimmy Johns, sleeping on my back, and wearing my wedding rings

What I am looking forward to: lilly's birth in 5 days and having people come meet her at the hospital

Weekly Wisdom: If your dr. tells you not to work anymore because it's causing you anxiety and high blood pressure, listen to her. I figured out you don't get extra prego points for being stubborn and bull headed...you just get more contractions and pain. dang.

Milestones: the biggest milestone will be friday, ya'll.

I tried to take some artsy pregnancy pics yesterday. Here are my favorites. :)

Yes, you're right. I liked all the ones where you couldn't see my face. 9 month pregnant face isn't fun or flattering, folks.

i spent all day today having irregular contractions.
i realized...

that. this. is. really. going. to. happen.


:) :) :) :)

today around 2:30 i had a chat with little lilly. i simply let her know that momma has a fun saturday planned. she needs to remain cozy for 3 more days. that's it.

I'm ready.....pretty sure.....maybe

When people ask, "So are you ready?" How are you really supposed to respond? Usually my answer to that question is " Of course I am ready!" Because honestly, people probably don't want to hear my honest answer to that question. My honest answer, should I ever decide to give it would be....

"HECK NO! Were you ready when you became a mother for the first time? Is ANYONE really ever truly ready for all the changes about to come pouring down? I'm scared out of my mind, can't you see it in my eyes?" If by ready they meant materialistically, then by all means I'm ready! Oh girl, you know I've spent the past nine months scouring aisles I never knew existed. Lilly has more gadgets and gizmos than Radio Shack. Her closet is brimming. She has who's its and what's its galore. You want thingamabob's? She's got plenty (Sorry, I just had to continue with the Ariel Love). I'm the queen of getting stuff in order and making lists.

I'm so excited to be a mom, but I'd be a big fat liar if I didn't say that I'm more scared than excited. Right now, thoughts of Lilly consume my mind. How will I handle these changes? How will Scott and I react? Will people judge me on how I react? I hope that I'll be able to glide right into motherhood. But I don't know that I will. What if I struggle? I'm dreaming about breastfeeding for Pete's sake!!! What if I'm afraid to ask for help? What if , what if, what if. When students in my class ask all the what if questions, I get frustrated with them, and usually cut them off saying, "boys and girls we could what if' ourselves till we are blue in the face. Let's not worry about something that might not happen. Let's just move on." However, here I am doing the same thing. Funny.

I've seen numerous friends transition to the world of parenting seemingly with ease. Did they have the same fears and excitements that I do now? How would/ did they respond to the question, "Are you ready?"

If you ask, I'll say yes. But now you know...

d day....i mean c day.

3 weeks
21 days
504 hours
30,240 minutes
1,814,400 seconds

until Lilly is born!


Tuesday we had an appt and ultrasound to check on my dear breech baby. She's content and staying where she's at. She's in a frank breech position. Which means that she's contorted her body to look like an all-beef frank. jjjj/kkkk. No really, she's sitting in my ute like V. Butt down. She's literally kicking herself in the face. We'll have a little chat about this when she arrives. :)

We met with the dr. after the ultrasound and she walked in, opened up her calendar, and said "pick her birthday!" It was the most surreal thing! Talk about pressure! At first we (scott and I) just looked at each other with dumb grins on our faces. I was giggling like a nutso. He resembled a deer in headlights. After we were over our flash-back to middle school, we ended up choosing Friday, September 25th.

I'm doing much better with my fears of c-section. I'm still nervous and am sure there will be tears the morning of, but I'm just trying to focus on the fact that I'm doing the best thing for Lilly. I can't very well let her enter this beautiful world arse first. That's not very lady-like now is it....


Three weeks until our lives are forever changed. Ahhhh!!! :) :) :) :)