boo to you, mean baby cold.

Colds are mean; but baby colds?? ARE. THE. SPAWN. OF. SATAN.

I've decided that me working....is a danger to Lilly's health. I've tried explaining this to Scott, however the conversation ends like this. EVERY TIME. dern it.

Me: "Me teaching involves me being around a host of germs. My immune system can fight them off. The snotty boogers walk in my room everyday. They touch everything. The kiddos have super-mutated-fourth-grader-germs that are immune to the Lysol "crop dusts" that I do!! They are attacking our little lilly lou!!! and sick baby=no fun for anyone. Don't you love your daughter?? For the sake of everything holy, I MUST QUIT MY JOB!" Woah.

S: "You're right. {You're always right Laura.} You can stay home. We just won't eat. Or have a house. say bye bye to your internet.and hot water. maybe Sallie Mae will let use live with her? We know her REAL well. "

Pshhhh...who needs food??

Lilly has cold number two. TWO COLDS IN FOUR WEEKS! ARGH! She's paaaathetic. She coughs. Proceeds to sneeze. Snot bubbles blow out of her nose. They drain down to her mouth. She licks them ( sick, Lilly). and this goes on and on. We've gotten to the point where the mere sight of this:

Instrument o' Meanness

results in this:

"noooooo, mommmeeeeee dooooonnnnnnnn'tt do it!!"

Poor gal....poor mommy....evil cold!!

Wishful Wednesday

I've decided I'd like to participate in Seattle Smith's Wishful Wednesday posts. I've read some from other gals and I always enjoy reading them. I also loooove taking surveys and thinking about what Myyyyy answers would be.

'I wish' .... I could spend three
minutes in
Carrie Underwood's shoes!

Carrie is fabulous for so many reasons.

I'd love to meet her (read: BE HER ) mostly because secretly I KNOW we'd be BFF. Have you ever had that? You see a celebrity or a person on a reality show and you just "feel" like you'd be friends? Well, I do that a lot. I think I would be best gal pals with Carrie, Serena VanDerWoodsen, and Tenley from the bachelor :) I'm pretty sure I'd smack Vienna in the face. Side note: HOW IS SHE STILL THERE?? Besides Carrie's obvious amazing voice, she's beautiful. I always want to immulate her hair and look forward to award shows so I can see what she wears. I coveted the silver sparkly one she wore to the CMA's. I would wear that dress everywhere. I've been to one of her concerts and she tooooaaattttalllly waved at me. Once again, BFF. She has a huge heart and I believe she is truely genuine not letting fame get to her head. BFF's....I'm telling you!

Who would Lilly wanna be? hmmm....probably her Leo Lion toy. She hearts that thing so much. She kisses and loves all over it. Or maybe her pink blankey...it's a toss up.

Who would your three mintues be with?

Left a good job in the cit-tay....

Rollin.....Rollin.....
My baby rolls....aww yea! I have been trying FOR-EV-UURRR to get this on video. For some reason I have this belief that if I don't get moments like these on tape, it means they don't exist. So...because I'm a little looney, I've been trying annnnnnnnnnnnd trying to get it. And BOO YA! I got it. Well HALF of it. She rolled to her side from her belly and hung out there for a while noming on her hands. In super speed I sprinted for the camera and was able to catch the last half. See...she rolls and I got it on video. It exists. I'm awesome but Lilly is awesomer...because she rolls.

I figured out how to have a cutesy font. I felt like super HTML lady. Thennnnn... I got over zealous and tried to investigate how to make a three column blog. Bye bye fonts.

This blog is officially UNDER CONSTRUCTION.

HARD!

Being 9 months pregnant was the hardest thing I've ever done. I couldn't sleep. My back ached. I was constantly hungry, but always full. The anticipation of meeting Lilly was too much. It was hard.

Coming home from the hospital with a new baby of which I had not the SLIGHTEST idea how to care for was the Hardest Thing I've Ever Done. Wobbly neck, tiny tummy, hungry cries, and zero sleep. Yea, hardest thing.

Nursing was the Hardest Thing I've EVER Done. Troubles latching. ZERO milk supply. Medication to increase milk supply. Zero engorgement. Guilt. Guilt. Pressure. Pain. More guilt. Giving up the idea of nursing was the HARDEST thing I've EVER done.

Figuring out Lilly's stomach issues and eating quirks ( yea, I'll call them that) was the HARDEST thing I've EVER DONE! Not knowing the reasons for her screams. Not knowing how to soothe her. Not knowing why she was gagging. Hearing advice from everyone " Well, this worked for mine, don't do this....Well I think this works....." ahhhhhhhhhhh....Following and trusting my own instincts was the HARDEST THING I've EVER Done!

Leaving miss Lil to return to work. THE HARDEST THING I've EVER EVER DONE!!!!!!! The guilt of leaving her with someone else. The worries of how she's being taken care of. Ugh. Letting go of my fears that she'll forget me or even worse like the sitter MORE than me. Yea, hard.

Here I am right now...
Deciding to take Lilly out of the first daycare and to another lady, THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER EVER EVER EVER DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel guilty for leaving the first lady, however I feel that it is the BEST for Lilly. I don't do well with awkward situations.
So much so, that sometimes I will be having major issues with a student at school, but when the parent calls I'll say " Oh, ::insert child's name::, he's fine. We're working through issues most 4th graders deal with. (READ:Your kid is a liar, cheats on his homework, makes fun of other kids, and as a whole ...is a brat.)

I know that moving Lilly is the best decision. I've made lists, pros vs. cons. I've prayed.
I love the whole FREE WILL thing from God. It's nice. Especially when I'm picking out what to eat and what clothes to buy....love it.

However, think about this... wouldn't it be GRAND if God dropped you little emails or letters OR!! writing on your mirror in the fog after you shower...LAURA, DO THIS....IT'S what you NEED to do. Love you. XOXO GOD. FANTASTIC!!!

But ALAS, it doesn't work that way. So here I am trying to decide if this is best. I believe it is. At least I THiiiNK so. Oh I don't know. I never know. That is what makes being a mommy to lilly-pants so hard. NEVER KNOWING. I'm a working mom. I don't like it, but it's my reality. I feel guilt for leaving her. I feel guilt for not trusting the person I leave her with. I feel uneasy about taking her to someone new. I just don't EVER know! That is what makes this the hardest thing I HAVE EVER DONE!!!!!!!

Laura's Mommy Wisdom Epiphany # 1,298,001 : IT ALWAYS GETS HARDER. Every stage of this whole trip has had me thinking this is the. hardest. thing. I've. ever. done. period. It honestly ALWAYS feels that way. Then. THEN! the sun comes out from behind Mr. Cloudy Wimpy Pants and it gets a little easier; and like Stella, I get my groove back. Then it gets harder again.


Round and round we go. Wheeeeeee!

My daughter might suffer from identity confusion...

Lilly.Lilly Claire. Lilly Bear. Claire Bear. Bear. Beenie. Stinky. Stink Butt. Stinkers. Sweetie. Sweetie Pie. Baby Girl. Baby Lilly. Little Lilly. Wittle Willy. Little Lilly Willy. Punkin. Punkin Pie. Punky Poo. Punkin Doodle. Lil. Lil Lil. Lilly Bug. Bug. Buggers. Babe. Babers. Lilly Babers.

"My name is whaaa??"

ROCK-N-ROLL!

Aaaaannnnnnnndddddd....I'm back.
This week. Success. Minimal tears. I could count them on one hand! Lilly knew what a hard week I had last week. So she bundled up some surprises. She musta thought to herself,

"awww shucks, I lovvvez my mommee. Ima give hur prezentzus. Furst, ah will laf and geeggle."

Yes, people I have a giggler. AMAZING!! She's a little odd. She laughs at things I don't find particularly funny, like Lady Gaga's "just dance" song and when she's getting her bootie wiped. But when I'm doing downright hilarious things like jumping up and down and talking like Dora Explorer on Speed, not a peep. That Lilly. That Lilly. So the giggles happened Monday. Then came Tuesday.


Then....and THEN....THENN!!!!!! She rolled over! Ohmigoodness! Belly to back. Belly to back. You know before Lilly
(I will call this my BL era)
I coulda literally cared less about the little baby milestones. Awesome, your kid pulled up. Pin a rose on your advanced kid's nose. Cool, rice cereal. Oh.wow.grasping.at.toys. Neato. But now.....WOAH!!! LITERALLY EARTH SHATTERING!!!!! Scott and I both witnessed the Great Roll of 2010 and screamed and whoohooed. Out loud. Really loud. and I immediately called my parents. The girl rolled over and you woulda thought she found a calorie free limeade the way we were acting. (Okay, maybe by the way I was acting.)

So Thank You Lilly! You have brought me outta my teaching-guilt-filled-abandoning-my-child-funk! This week has been easier and picking her up from daycare is my FAVORITE part of my day. I'm back in photo-snapping mode and I'm DYING to get a giggle and roll on camera. I'm working on try #7 on the rolling thing. She's a tad camera shy.

Anyway, gone are the days of leaving her on the ottoman and walking away. I must improve my parenting skills. Cause this chick is goin' places.


If you think this smile is adorable...you should hear the giggle. :)

i haven't taken a picture all week...

This week has been RUFFFFF. I don't really wanna blog about it because I'll prolly start crying, but I'm going to because-- ahhhhh memories. Surprisingly, I do the best while I'm actually at school. Which totally blows my mind. I think it's because I'm so dang busy. I've been going in uber early each day so that I can practically beat the buses out of the parking lot. During the day I don't really have a spare moment to think about any woes I'm having. On Wednesday, I was literally trying to talk a ten year old freak (boy) out from under his desk while he barked like a dog at me. WHY AM I NOT GETTING PAID MORE? Once said boy was out from under his desk, he decided it would be an awesome idea to crawl up on the window sill and claw at it like he was in a cage. I didn't even tackle that one. I let him be and moved on with my lesson on shitzophrenia or changes in climate. whatever. ugh.



The hardest part of my day is right when I get home. I've lost it every. single. day. I get home cuddle with her and cry and cry. I missed her so much. I worry about everything. Does she remember me? Why isn't she smiling? Is she mad at me? Did she nap enough? Does she like the way Helen holds her more? Are the other kids clawing at her? Why does she have a bleeding diaper rash (yea, that pissed me off), I could totally take better care of her, Why have a baby if you can't even take care of her blah blah blah...tears tears tears.

I'm really trying to be positive (it's really showing, right? ). I almost have one week under my belt, week two will be stellar. Scott has talked me down off the "my life is over if I have to work one more day" cliff a quatrillion times.

I wish I had a cute picture of my darling. I don't. And that breaks my little teacher heart.














I promise to "suck it up and get over it" next week..... Right now I'm too busy wallowing in rice crispie treats and misery.

woe is me part two

Remember this? WOE!


Time for another....I'm just going completely me for a minute. No sugar coating. No looking on the "bright side" of things. TOMORROW IS GOING TO SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm dreading it. I've been dreading it since Lilly was born. I go back to work tomorrow. I go back to 23 OTHER kids who are expecting me to teach them something of worth. I go back to coworkers who are depending on me. I go back to an administration expecting things of me. I LEAVE LILLY WITH SOMEONE ELSE TOMORROW. SUCK!!! I don't want to. I thought I might be one of those women who loves their babies....but enjoys going back to work. Noooooopppppeeee..don't think so. I'm not going to be there when she wakes up from her morning nap all smiley and cooey tomorrow. SUCK!! She's going to go from THA CENTER OF my world....to someone else's 1 of 5. I know, I know I'll adjust. Duh, but that still doesn't make RIGHT now feel any better. I get to pick her up. She'll still know me, love me, and spit up on me. :) I know, I know. But waaaaaaaaaaah, I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HER.


And another woe. I can't wear sweats to school tomorrow. SUCK! I'm one of 'those' girls who has to pick out her outfit the night before. As a kid, I would lay out the entire outfit on my floor complete with socks, shoes, and any accessories needed (back then I rocked the awwweeesssome balloon scrunchie/barrettes). I had this little barbie doll head ( no not a doll, just the head) that I would place inside the shirt as if it were my head. Ay ay oiu. I don't go to that EXTREME these days, but I do hang the outfit on my bathroom door so I'm all ready to go in the morning. If I neglect this preparation....woahhhhh does my morning get 1,000,000 times more hectic and I usually end up blowing up at Scott over milk or my shoes or something. It's awful...so I try to prevent it. Well.....SUCK! None of my dress shirts fit. SUCK SUCK!! Just one more tally mark on my 'reasons to quit eating cause I'm sad and lose this weight' list.


Did I mention that I'm dreading tomorrow? In my teacher bag I have 5 frames of lil pics, a bag of mints, waterproof mascara, and a lean cuisine.

I can't wait for the munchkin to wake up from her nap. I wanna hug and kiss and snuggle with my baybeeeeee. I KNOW I'll be fine. I KNOW lilly will be fine. I KNOW that it will just take some time. I KNOW I'll be happy again. But you know what? It's alright for me to be mopey and sad. I'm going to be all WOE! and Boo! and SUCK! tonight. waaaahhhh.