baby it's not you

IT'S ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, let me voice a tish of frustration. Remember how my lovely lump of 8 month cuteness HATES napping and would only do it for a decent amount of time for The Nap Whisperer? Well APPARENTLY everyone was trained in Nap Whisperer 101 except for dear old mum.

::gnashing of teeth::

Allow me to explain. This week, my first week of freedom, has been spent taking a final grad class to get my lovely dovely teaching licence, that expires this December, renewed.

P.S. The only other professions that REQUIRE this kind of continuing education are doctors and lawyers. I'm just saying...Anyway, Lilly pants has been shuffled among my friends to save some moolah. 1.) I have great friends. 2.) They are succckkkerrzzz for Lilly w/crazy hair.
Okay, back to my point...

Saturday-Nap Nanny {laura}= 30 minute screamfest followed by a 40 minute nap {unacceptable}
Sunday- Nap Nanny {laura}= 30 minute screamfest followed by 1 hr nap -improvement, yes,but still {unacceptable by mommy standards}

Monday- Nap Nanny {dad}= 10 minute screamfest followed by 2.5 hour nap {acceptable and applauded, 2 gold stars}

Tuesday- Nap Nanny {holly}= no screamfest followed by 1.5 hour nap {acceptable, fluke?}

Wednesday- Nap Nanny {angie} = no screamfest followed by 1.5 hour nap {acceptable, WTF?}

Thursday- Nap Nanny {alissa} = few minute whimpers followed by 1.5 hour nap {oh shoot moment, realizing that it's ME}

BABY, it's MEEEEEE NOT YOU! She will nap for everyone with ease and charm, but for momma? SHE. BRINGS. THA. RUCKUS.

Proof.

That her hair is ridiculous.

That we definitely need to lower her crib.

That she's adorable when she's refusing to nap.

That I'm a bigger sucker than mah friends.

Yes, my baybee gets two naps. Adding those details woulda just made this a long, tedious, boring, drawn out post. Stop your tsk...tsking, mommaz!

breaking the addiction part one

HI, I'm Laura, and I have a daughter addicted to napping in her swing.

Lilly won't nap in her crib


and I'm afraid its alllllllll my fault. You see, I'm addicted to her swing. It works so fast. She sleeps so soundly. She sleeps so long!! But she's outgrowing it. Fast. and I'm already screwed.

Crib naps are short, restless, and are a drawn. out. process. So because I took the easy way out for 5 months, Lilly will not nap in her crib. She'll sleep 11 hours in it at night, but zero during the day. Dang it, Laura!!!

Today we declared war. Both parties put up a gallant fight. Lilly hollered and whined. She wiggled and threatened to suffocate herself with the blanket. I gently patted her belly and "shhhuu shuuuushhhhed" the darlin till my teeth tingled. I walked in. Walked out....waited. Thought surely this chick will cave soon. OH No....this gal can CRY IT OUT for over an hour. What the heck FERBER?!?!?!?!?

Then........and THEN she brought the big, fat "MOMMY DON'T YOU LOVE ME???!?!!?!?" tears and it was aaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllll over.

Lilly: 1

Mom: 0

She napped in her swing. She HAS TO NAP! I can't have a cranky baby all afternoon because she won't nap in her crib! I feel at a loss of what to do with this child. I've created a swing addicted monster. She has two two hour naps at her sitters in a pack and play. She doesn't nap in the swing there. WTF Lilly? I really felt like calling the sitter today to ask her how she gets her to sleep. Isn't that awful? I feel like my sitter knows more about how to get my daughter to sleep than I do. That makes me wanna cry. Yep, crying.


She won the battle. I'm HOPING I win the war.

If you can't tell, I'm kind of a hot mess right now. Any advice??

HARD!

Being 9 months pregnant was the hardest thing I've ever done. I couldn't sleep. My back ached. I was constantly hungry, but always full. The anticipation of meeting Lilly was too much. It was hard.

Coming home from the hospital with a new baby of which I had not the SLIGHTEST idea how to care for was the Hardest Thing I've Ever Done. Wobbly neck, tiny tummy, hungry cries, and zero sleep. Yea, hardest thing.

Nursing was the Hardest Thing I've EVER Done. Troubles latching. ZERO milk supply. Medication to increase milk supply. Zero engorgement. Guilt. Guilt. Pressure. Pain. More guilt. Giving up the idea of nursing was the HARDEST thing I've EVER done.

Figuring out Lilly's stomach issues and eating quirks ( yea, I'll call them that) was the HARDEST thing I've EVER DONE! Not knowing the reasons for her screams. Not knowing how to soothe her. Not knowing why she was gagging. Hearing advice from everyone " Well, this worked for mine, don't do this....Well I think this works....." ahhhhhhhhhhh....Following and trusting my own instincts was the HARDEST THING I've EVER Done!

Leaving miss Lil to return to work. THE HARDEST THING I've EVER EVER DONE!!!!!!! The guilt of leaving her with someone else. The worries of how she's being taken care of. Ugh. Letting go of my fears that she'll forget me or even worse like the sitter MORE than me. Yea, hard.

Here I am right now...
Deciding to take Lilly out of the first daycare and to another lady, THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER EVER EVER EVER DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel guilty for leaving the first lady, however I feel that it is the BEST for Lilly. I don't do well with awkward situations.
So much so, that sometimes I will be having major issues with a student at school, but when the parent calls I'll say " Oh, ::insert child's name::, he's fine. We're working through issues most 4th graders deal with. (READ:Your kid is a liar, cheats on his homework, makes fun of other kids, and as a whole ...is a brat.)

I know that moving Lilly is the best decision. I've made lists, pros vs. cons. I've prayed.
I love the whole FREE WILL thing from God. It's nice. Especially when I'm picking out what to eat and what clothes to buy....love it.

However, think about this... wouldn't it be GRAND if God dropped you little emails or letters OR!! writing on your mirror in the fog after you shower...LAURA, DO THIS....IT'S what you NEED to do. Love you. XOXO GOD. FANTASTIC!!!

But ALAS, it doesn't work that way. So here I am trying to decide if this is best. I believe it is. At least I THiiiNK so. Oh I don't know. I never know. That is what makes being a mommy to lilly-pants so hard. NEVER KNOWING. I'm a working mom. I don't like it, but it's my reality. I feel guilt for leaving her. I feel guilt for not trusting the person I leave her with. I feel uneasy about taking her to someone new. I just don't EVER know! That is what makes this the hardest thing I HAVE EVER DONE!!!!!!!

Laura's Mommy Wisdom Epiphany # 1,298,001 : IT ALWAYS GETS HARDER. Every stage of this whole trip has had me thinking this is the. hardest. thing. I've. ever. done. period. It honestly ALWAYS feels that way. Then. THEN! the sun comes out from behind Mr. Cloudy Wimpy Pants and it gets a little easier; and like Stella, I get my groove back. Then it gets harder again.


Round and round we go. Wheeeeeee!

Gather round...it's story time.

This story involes the stinker in the photos, a trusty nissan, a restaraunt off of 67, diapers, and several epic FAIL moments for dear old mom. :)

Once upon a Thursday, there was a mom who needed to deliver a dress to a friend in need. This said friend decided to meet this mother halfway between their two cities. "The restaraunt off of the 67 exit? Perfect. See you in twenty. K Bye." This mother finished snapping adorable photos of her daughter on the couch and packed her happy giggling gal into her carseat and off they went.

Five minutes into their journey, the giggling gal giggled a little too much and decided to VOMIT up her lunch, all over the carseat and adorable 'I heart santa' outfit. SICK. What was a mother on the interstate to do? She did her best one handed swipe to clean up the mess and continued on her way.

Not two mintues later, miss stink decided to take a poo. ewwww...gross lilly. Not only did the trusty nissan reek of spit up...it now was filled with the odor of my darling's poop. sick. The mother pulled into the restaurant parking lot, which used to be a family friendly Damon's and was surprised that it had been replaced by a restaurant with HOG and BAR in the title. ( the mother doesn't quite remember the details, all she remembers is that it was NOT a restaraunt to take a poopy, vomit covered darling.) It was basically a truck stop complete with idling semis with drivers who were most likely not prepared for the AWESOME mothering skills they were about to witness.


The dress was exchanged and the friend did not stick around too long because of the FOUL and REPULSIVE odor being emitted from the backseat. She kindly left the mother to tackle the mess in the Chicco seat. Thanks. The mother went around the vehicle and climbed in the backseat not really sure how to tackle this mess. The mothering fail moments are about to begin.

The mother (oh who am I kidding, it's me, surprised? :) ). I, got out the diaper bag and pulled lilly from the seat. I decided to fold down the passenger seat instead of using the trunk (is that what the back of an SUV is called?) because it was rather FREEZING that day. The seat ALMOST folds all the way flat. I figured it was good enough. (FAIL) I sat her on the folded chair and began changing her diaper. I was rather frazzled, and neglected to put down a pad/protector for my chair. (fail moment number one) I fumbled around to change the poopy mess. She was incredibly wiggly and kept sliding down the seat that ALMOST folds flat smearing various things back onto her and the seat that ALMOST folds flat. boo.

I had the clean diaper semi attached (fail moment number two) and I decided to deal with the dirty diaper because the smell was making me gag. I thought she was good to go, so I didn't bother strapping her into that sucker quite yet. The mothers reading this are probably shaking your heads thinking...." oh no, you're going to regret that decision, missy! NEVER leave a baby with a diaper HALF on. Helllooooo." HECK the people out there reading this who AREN'T mothers are probably thinking that!!! Common Sense 101. Murphy's or Newtwon's laws...one of them? Seriously, Laura??

Moving on....

You guessed it. She pees. All over the clean diaper. All over the seat that ALMOST folds down. All over my Nissan. I clean up the mess, basically using an entire travel pack of wipes and finally get the babe FULLY diapered and the rest of the car SEMI-clean. This story is seemingly coming to a close, right? Oh no. Remember? She vomitted before. Her Carter's are covered and drenched in her regurgitated lunch. I strip her down to her diaper and go digging for the " just in case" outft in the bottom of the diaper bag. An outfit that had been quietly hanging out since week TWO of Lilly world. Since we are now embarking on week TWELVE of Lilly world....(yea, epic fail number three). It was an adorable newborn onesie, so cute-so small. I had to stuff my 11 pound darling into this onesie meant for a far more "slim" child. The poor dear could not straighten her legs. I tried stretchin that sucker out, trust me. I was faced with two options. Option A.) Stuff her into the waaaaay too small outfit with gaping snaps and deal with her whimpers and screams because she can't move. Or...Option B.) Put her back into her vomit covered 'I heart santa' outfit. I chose option A.

I snapped her up, put her back in her chicco, stuffed the NASTY diaper into a ziplock bag ( soooo did not cover up the smell), made a mental note to DEFINITELY invest in those little diaper bag diaper bags that I considered "useless" because a "ziplock bag will work just fine", gathered the vomity clothes; stuffed them FARTHER into the diaper bag, folded back up the seat that ALMOST folds flat, got out of the car shaking my head at the "fail" moments of the past 15 minutes, and crawled back into the driver seat. I drove home and was pleasantly surprised with the lack of screams I heard but rather a sweet , non-spitup covered, non-poopy, non-wet, sleeping baby in the backseat.

The moral of the story is:
1. Always put down a cover
2. Always attach a diaper COMPLETELY
3. Buy dirty diaper baggies
4. Your "just in case" outfit MUST be the actual size of your baby CURRENTLY
5. Next car you buy should not have seats that ALMOST fold down
6. Look back....and laugh

And they all lived happily ever after...

I'm off to refill my travel wipes case. :)