Two Years Ago {I became a mother}

My daughter will celebrate her 2nd birthday this week . How quickly yet slowly the time goes. It's hard to remember a life before Lilly--yet holy cow how can she already be two?  I've never written about the day of her birth--seriously? I know.  So to appease my nostalgic and weepy "mah baybee is olld" side I'm sharing with you a letter I recently wrote to her. I want her to know about her day--from me before I forget the details. 

In honor of the girl who has given my life a glorious purpose and the person who drives my every decision, and gives my blonde head gray hairs on a daily basis--first I want you to know that I love you.

Your birthday was planned. Your dad and I picked the day you would be born. That another detail that makes you special and unique.  You were spirited and headstrong from the beginning. Refusing to follow fetus 'norms' you didn't want to enter this world like most babies. You required an even  grander  entrance--in an operating room with me, your father, a glorious anesthesiologist, two doctors, and three nurses ( one of which was a brand new intern that would've given me a heart attack had I not been drugged beyond worry).  You  were breech--which means you were dramatic--and you have not waivered from that; even two years later. We picked September 25th. I always knew that you'd be born in September regardless of your October due date--the same way I knew you were a little girl from the moment we found out you were on your way.   We chose a Friday to have you so that  all your family and friends could meet and love you over the weekend.  Everyone came to see you, Lilly.

Friday morning at 4:00 am  your dad woke up to an alarm that we set the night before. I went to bed expecting to be up ALL night filled with anxious feelings and kicks from you. Surprisingly, I fell right to sleep and awoke feeling ready. That would be the first and last time I would EVER feel ready for anything related to you.  :)  We showered, packed Scott's bag ( mine had been packed for 2 weeks already even though we knew the exact date you were coming... I'm a control freak) took a quick video of  me getting ready, and drove to the hospital. 

The morning at the hospital was full of nervous laughter, hugs, and a jittery soda pop feeling in my stomach. We were so anxious to meet you, Lilly. Your nana, grandma, grandpa, aunt angie, uncle john, and aunt holly were all there. Aunt angie even made  tshirts. They wore them proudly. You've been a BIG DEAL for a long time. We prayed in the PreOp room. We prayed for your safety. We prayed for me and your dad. I was praying that I could be brave. I knew I could be brave for you. One day, when you're older I show you how big that needle was---massive Lilly bear--MASSIVE.  You were loved before you were born. 

I walked into the operating room at 7:30 am, which was weird. I would walk in as a 26 year old young woman and roll out as a mother and family of three. The doctors got me ready and joked the entire time. I was very scared--but I knew that I would soon hold you and that made everything feel better. Your dad was with us. He held my hand until you were born and then he held you. At 7:57am you were born. Everyone in the room was talking but I remember your dad speaking softly to me and saying "She's here Laura. She's beautiful and perfect. I'm so proud of you"  The doctors took special care of you.  You were folded in half for 9 months--your feet were up by your ankles.  It took you a while to realize you could finally stretch out--but you eventually did and that made me feel a lot better. Your dad never took his eyes off of you.  It was instant love and hearing your dinosaur screech cry was the most perfect sound. Looking back it's funny because you love your "Dinoooos" now. Your dad got to hold you first and he brought you to me.  My heart was full and overflowing. You were perfect.  I couldn't speak and I couldn't control the tears. Lilly you brought joy to our lives that day and you still do. You still screech like a dinosaur at times. I loved it two years ago. Period.

They placed you in my arms and wheeled us to our new room. Nurses were asking questions but I don't remember any of them.  My focus was you.  I couldn't believe you were mine. One day lilly you are going to love Christmas because of the presents and surprises. You won't believe me,  but having you was the most perfect gift I have ever received. You are a gift Lilly and Santa could never give me anything better. I was so excited to introduce you to your family. I took time to redo my hair and freshen up my mascara. The nurses took you to clean you and place a yellow bow in your hair--a special request from me. :)  We gussied up.

The rest of the day was filled with nothing but love. Everyone snuggled and held you.  You had a perfectly round head--a fun effect of being born via c-section.  Your dad gave you your first bath and you screamed your head off. It took him several weeks of just watching me give you a bath after that because he was afraid he was hurting you. You could really scream--drama, I say.

The events of the day you were born are etched in my memory.  You are amazing--sweet girl.  Thank you for being my daughter. It is so much fun to be your mommy.

I'd love to say I'm super woman and was up walking, showered, and dressed the same day after having a c-section.
Alas my cape had not yet come in and this was before leaving the hospital on day three. 

Thanks for reading!