((deep breaths))
Watching my darling sweet toddler have a full blown meltdown in the foyer at church on Sunday surrounded by strangers, friends, and everyone in between I realized two things.
The first being that this little one could very well have a career in the dramatic arts. Girl can turn. it. on.
The second being that there is no way that I can do this on my own. Or even that Scott and I could do this on our own. We are hopeless as parents. Hopeless in the fact that despite all the "gut feelings", reading, Super Nanny watching, crying to my parents, asking advice from others--we'll never get it perfectly right.
I know, I'm being a real downer right now!I can go there real fast. :) But stick with me....
What I've known for a while yet not really committed to the idea is that despite all our love and good intentions--there is no way to perfectly parent a toddler. I'm convinced it's impossible. Just like getting her to put her pants on in the morning without a chase or two around the bed.
This week I've been taking the "i'm going to test your boundaries two's" way too personally. I was allowing myself to think that I was the reason she was testing me. I should've done something different. I let this happen. She was laying on the floor showing her messy cry in the house of the Lord--on the sabbath because of me.
How am I going to survive living like that?!
I struggled with PPA after Lilly's birth and it was like a twinge of that nasty self-hate voice was back whispering in my ear. and Ohhhhh...heckkkkk NO I'm NOT going back there. So I went to the Lord about that.
Here is what He's teaching me...
Yup, I can't do it alone and I'm not DESIGNED to. No one is. I was designed with the purpose of RELYING and TRUSTING in Him. I can't do it alone without epic failure. He wants me to come to Him. He wants me to love and trust Him. With those things I WILL be the best mom I can to Lilly. When I draw nearer to Him rather than relying on my own ways ((which recently is crying and googling)) I still feel overwhelmed--but it's no longer 100% my problem.
We're not designed to handle battles and struggles on our own. You have worries. family turmoil. unrest. anxiety. self doubt. messy house. crying infant. demanding work. or failing relationships. You're not alone. And there's a loving God that doesn't want you to be.
It's a lesson I'm learning. :)
I'm working on this too Laura. Every night, I lay my hand on each boy and I pray, "Please help me be the best mom that I can be to this child. Please let me show him your love in my parenting." I continue the prayer with specifics for that child. It feels like it should all be within our control as mothers, but unfortunately (joking-kinda) they have little minds, wills, and spirits of their own.
ReplyDeleteStick with the Lord and the tribe of mamas that love you and will support you.
Such wisdom! :) We are a tribe aren't we...love it.
DeleteGreat post. My dad was a pastor and on his first Sunday at a new church, he gave a good old' fashioned alter call. At 2 years old I responded.... By running down the aisle, pulling off my diaper, and peeing. :) My mom was playin the piano and. Oils only watch as I completely ruined the second verse of Just As I Am. Haha. I tested them enormously and am so thankful that they too grasped this truth and leaned on the Lord to train me up.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great job. Thanks for posting.
This made me laugh. I love this story. Thanks for sharing!! :)
Deleteloving your words today :)
ReplyDeleteAs the father of this mother and grandfather to a just budding drama queen I'll admit I love you both - tear and all. There were times when I thought and said the same things about our children and now look at the wisdom they shine into the world. God's promises have come true and are coming true. Hang in there, this bump in the road shall pass.Faith. Hope. Love, ... mostly love, dad
ReplyDeleteOk that first quote "train up a child..." is what I live by... AMEN TO THAT! It is so hard Laura! Its a constant trial and error. Praying for you! This too shall pass. And if you figure out any secrets be sure to help a sister out :)
ReplyDeleteso very true. I blogged something similar on Thursday. It's hard to remember sometimes that we aren't in control and we aren't alone. That God gives us tough things to teach us - not to punish us. As a full time step-mom to 4 kiddos, it's very easy to get discouraged and be hard on myself. But I just pray that God will give me the wisdom and guidance to see us all through!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to give up control!! Thanks for commenting!
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