Saturday, September 12, 2009

I'm ready.....pretty sure.....maybe

When people ask, "So are you ready?" How are you really supposed to respond? Usually my answer to that question is " Of course I am ready!" Because honestly, people probably don't want to hear my honest answer to that question. My honest answer, should I ever decide to give it would be....

"HECK NO! Were you ready when you became a mother for the first time? Is ANYONE really ever truly ready for all the changes about to come pouring down? I'm scared out of my mind, can't you see it in my eyes?" If by ready they meant materialistically, then by all means I'm ready! Oh girl, you know I've spent the past nine months scouring aisles I never knew existed. Lilly has more gadgets and gizmos than Radio Shack. Her closet is brimming. She has who's its and what's its galore. You want thingamabob's? She's got plenty (Sorry, I just had to continue with the Ariel Love). I'm the queen of getting stuff in order and making lists.

I'm so excited to be a mom, but I'd be a big fat liar if I didn't say that I'm more scared than excited. Right now, thoughts of Lilly consume my mind. How will I handle these changes? How will Scott and I react? Will people judge me on how I react? I hope that I'll be able to glide right into motherhood. But I don't know that I will. What if I struggle? I'm dreaming about breastfeeding for Pete's sake!!! What if I'm afraid to ask for help? What if , what if, what if. When students in my class ask all the what if questions, I get frustrated with them, and usually cut them off saying, "boys and girls we could what if' ourselves till we are blue in the face. Let's not worry about something that might not happen. Let's just move on." However, here I am doing the same thing. Funny.

I've seen numerous friends transition to the world of parenting seemingly with ease. Did they have the same fears and excitements that I do now? How would/ did they respond to the question, "Are you ready?"

If you ask, I'll say yes. But now you know...

1 comment:

  1. Ease??? That's funny. Good grief, I've never been so scared in my life! You know what's amazing, though? God honestly provided for us every single crazy day in the beginning, and He continues to, of course! He is a good God, and He knows exactly what you need.

    Something else that really helped me in the beginning was remembering that God picked ME to be this baby's mama. Don't ever hesitate to ask for help (Moms are MORE than willing to give it) but know that you and Lilly will learn together, and that's okay.

    Uh, sorry for the LONG post. You guys will be wonderful parents. Praying for you!!