Friday, July 31, 2015

Ugly Truth

Ugly truth. It's all back.

I'm back up to 197.8 as of ten minutes ago. I've gained back all 55 pounds that I lost. In one year I've gone up 4 pant sizes. As well as a closet full of clothes that no longer fit I've gained excuses, sore muscules, winded steps, & a whole heap ton of guilt and shame again.

I sold all my an act of declaring I WILL NEVER BE THIS UNHEALTHY AGAIN last year.  Well, I'm gonna need those back please, because guess what. When I let myself feel comfortable  cracks started forming in my habits. Eventually those cracks became JAGGED BREAKS in my foundation and I am. AGAIN.

It's embarrassing. Yep. It's annoying. It's defeating. It just pisses me off really. But obviously not enough to actually do anything about it.

I feel like a joke. I feel like a fraud. If you looked to this blog for inspiration and motivation I really truly feel like I owe you an apology. Sorry friends, this girl is back at her old habits of blaming situations for my habits & ignoring signs of unhealthy choices in my mind, body, and spirit.

Awesome, right?

Here is the state of Laura. Truthful & honest.

1. I'm tired all the time. I take naps on my days off during my youngest's  naptime because I'm exhausted.

2. My skin itches. It rubs in places that it shouldn't and it's uncomfortable.

3. None of my clothes fit they way I want them to.

4. My relationships suffer. I don't want to get together with friends I haven't seen in a while because I don't want them to see me. I'm sad a lot. Self hate habits have formed again.

5. I get headaches frequently.

6. I realize that if I don't make changes RIGHT NOW, I'm going to only continue to gain weight. My minor health problems will become major & and I will always regret this HUGE backslide.

So why???? Why am I not making the changes? I know what to do. I need to track my food. I need to drink more water. I need to HALT fast food and eating out. I need to take pride in my health. I need to lean in on the Lord. I need to banish self hate. I need to move my body. I need to walk. I need to run. I need to make health a priority again.

So why don't I? Because I'm feeling lazy. It's hard. I feel whiny..... I know how hard I had to work at it and wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel  like acting like my three year old and saying " but I don't wannnnnnnnnnnnnnttttt tooooooooooooooooo."

GROW UP LAURA.  GET IT TOGETHER. Nothing good is coming from these habits that you've created. Get over yourself. DO IT.

I'm going to blog this again. It helped with accountability.  I mean it this time, cuss word.

Hold me accountable.

I'm making a plan and I'll share it as soon as I figure it out.