Friday, July 31, 2015

Ugly Truth

Ugly truth. It's all back.

I'm back up to 197.8 as of ten minutes ago. I've gained back all 55 pounds that I lost. In one year I've gone up 4 pant sizes. As well as a closet full of clothes that no longer fit I've gained excuses, sore muscules, winded steps, & a whole heap ton of guilt and shame again.

I sold all my an act of declaring I WILL NEVER BE THIS UNHEALTHY AGAIN last year.  Well, I'm gonna need those back please, because guess what. When I let myself feel comfortable  cracks started forming in my habits. Eventually those cracks became JAGGED BREAKS in my foundation and I am. AGAIN.

It's embarrassing. Yep. It's annoying. It's defeating. It just pisses me off really. But obviously not enough to actually do anything about it.

I feel like a joke. I feel like a fraud. If you looked to this blog for inspiration and motivation I really truly feel like I owe you an apology. Sorry friends, this girl is back at her old habits of blaming situations for my habits & ignoring signs of unhealthy choices in my mind, body, and spirit.

Awesome, right?

Here is the state of Laura. Truthful & honest.

1. I'm tired all the time. I take naps on my days off during my youngest's  naptime because I'm exhausted.

2. My skin itches. It rubs in places that it shouldn't and it's uncomfortable.

3. None of my clothes fit they way I want them to.

4. My relationships suffer. I don't want to get together with friends I haven't seen in a while because I don't want them to see me. I'm sad a lot. Self hate habits have formed again.

5. I get headaches frequently.

6. I realize that if I don't make changes RIGHT NOW, I'm going to only continue to gain weight. My minor health problems will become major & and I will always regret this HUGE backslide.

So why???? Why am I not making the changes? I know what to do. I need to track my food. I need to drink more water. I need to HALT fast food and eating out. I need to take pride in my health. I need to lean in on the Lord. I need to banish self hate. I need to move my body. I need to walk. I need to run. I need to make health a priority again.

So why don't I? Because I'm feeling lazy. It's hard. I feel whiny..... I know how hard I had to work at it and wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel  like acting like my three year old and saying " but I don't wannnnnnnnnnnnnnttttt tooooooooooooooooo."

GROW UP LAURA.  GET IT TOGETHER. Nothing good is coming from these habits that you've created. Get over yourself. DO IT.

I'm going to blog this again. It helped with accountability.  I mean it this time, cuss word.

Hold me accountable.

I'm making a plan and I'll share it as soon as I figure it out.


  1. I can imagine how frustrating this is for you, clearly, as you've stated that...but don't be so hard on yourself. You know what you need to do, and I think accountability, tracking it, and making changes slowly will form those habits again. Hang in there, lady! You CAN do this and you will.

  2. Laura, I only know you from reading your blog. I check it.frequently to see if you have posted anything. Why? Because I, myself have gained some unwanted weight that I REALLY want to lose again. I can't find the motivation. But ya know what....everyday we get.up and take a breath, we have another chance. When you said you feel like a joke, a fraud, I just think your.human. so please don't feel that way! Only the devil wants you to feel that way! So.girl, get up ...kick that devil and his ugly tricks to.the side and lets do this. Hey, my.opinion GET to show you can defeat the devil twice. You go girl! Lots of hugs your way!

  3. You are no fraud to me. I respect people (women) more when they are honest about the ups and downs of weight loss. I have lost 110 pounds, but now have gained about 14 back....I started over today. Just have to get back up and try again. We did it the first time we can do it the second! One foot in front of the other...and do it again.

  4. Girl I just adore you! I really encourage you to blog each step. You have no idea how encouraging you will be for me and so many others. Accountability is the KEY! Prayers coming your way...Listen to me ...YOU GOT THIS! Now here we go!!!!

  5. I just found your blog and wanted to offer some stranger support to a fellow person, a fellow mom, a fellow human who is struggling. I am all those things as well. I lost weight and was down to 135 (almost goal) 2 years ago. Somehow bad habits creeped back into my life (bread, wine, cheese and crackers all call my name). Sigh...I am now back to my heaviest as well. Like you, I know what I need to do, but dang it's sooo hard! The only way to fit exercise into my life is to wake up early and walk our dog in the dark. I don't enjoy it, but I am forcing myself. Hang in there...lean on friends (and strangers!) for support. You CAN do it, I know you can. You aren't perfect, but nobody is. Prayers....