Friday, August 7, 2015

Horrible Habitual Habits

Thanks so much for the outpouring of support last week. I really appreciate it. Truly. Not just saying that. Even a little bit. Muah.

That being said I wish I could say BAM LOOKY THAT I LOST WEIGHT THIS WEEK.....cause I can't say that.  I didn't lose any this week and it really falls back on me again. I'm going to take a small bite this week and make one change. Then each week add on more disciplines so that I can start weight loss slowly as to not burn out.

I'm going to tackle my ugliest habit first.

The sweets after the kids go to bed. OOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhh the sweets.

It started when the kiddos were itty bitties...I rewarded myself for keeping them alive each day with sweets. "Congrats girl, you kept them breathing--here is some double fudge ice cream. You deserrrrvvvveeeeee it girl. Snaps to you."

This continued during weight loss as bananas and a few choc chips and cool whip.

Then transferred back to dark chocoate, brownies, cookies, oreos, icecream, etc this year.

Sooooooooooooo that has to stop. This week. Sweets after dinner can include bananas, fruit with pb2,  or a pinch (Nooooooooootttt a baggggggggg) of chocolate chips.

Breaking habits are hard. Especially when they are habitual chocolate habits.  I'm breaking free of that cycle this week. Next week, it's the whole bread binge..........oh for the love of hawaiian rolls!

Friday, July 31, 2015

Ugly Truth

Ugly truth. It's all back.

I'm back up to 197.8 as of ten minutes ago. I've gained back all 55 pounds that I lost. In one year I've gone up 4 pant sizes. As well as a closet full of clothes that no longer fit I've gained excuses, sore muscules, winded steps, & a whole heap ton of guilt and shame again.

I sold all my an act of declaring I WILL NEVER BE THIS UNHEALTHY AGAIN last year.  Well, I'm gonna need those back please, because guess what. When I let myself feel comfortable  cracks started forming in my habits. Eventually those cracks became JAGGED BREAKS in my foundation and I am. AGAIN.

It's embarrassing. Yep. It's annoying. It's defeating. It just pisses me off really. But obviously not enough to actually do anything about it.

I feel like a joke. I feel like a fraud. If you looked to this blog for inspiration and motivation I really truly feel like I owe you an apology. Sorry friends, this girl is back at her old habits of blaming situations for my habits & ignoring signs of unhealthy choices in my mind, body, and spirit.

Awesome, right?

Here is the state of Laura. Truthful & honest.

1. I'm tired all the time. I take naps on my days off during my youngest's  naptime because I'm exhausted.

2. My skin itches. It rubs in places that it shouldn't and it's uncomfortable.

3. None of my clothes fit they way I want them to.

4. My relationships suffer. I don't want to get together with friends I haven't seen in a while because I don't want them to see me. I'm sad a lot. Self hate habits have formed again.

5. I get headaches frequently.

6. I realize that if I don't make changes RIGHT NOW, I'm going to only continue to gain weight. My minor health problems will become major & and I will always regret this HUGE backslide.

So why???? Why am I not making the changes? I know what to do. I need to track my food. I need to drink more water. I need to HALT fast food and eating out. I need to take pride in my health. I need to lean in on the Lord. I need to banish self hate. I need to move my body. I need to walk. I need to run. I need to make health a priority again.

So why don't I? Because I'm feeling lazy. It's hard. I feel whiny..... I know how hard I had to work at it and wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel  like acting like my three year old and saying " but I don't wannnnnnnnnnnnnnttttt tooooooooooooooooo."

GROW UP LAURA.  GET IT TOGETHER. Nothing good is coming from these habits that you've created. Get over yourself. DO IT.

I'm going to blog this again. It helped with accountability.  I mean it this time, cuss word.

Hold me accountable.

I'm making a plan and I'll share it as soon as I figure it out.

Friday, January 2, 2015

I Rocked it Until the Wheels Fell Off

It's safe to say that this fall I rocked some stellar bad habits until the healthy train  wheels fell off. and derailed myself. and caught fire. with explosions. Writing this today I'm sitting at my kitchen table wearing some suuuuuppper tight workout gear. I'm totally uncomfortable sitting in my own home wearing this and the jiggle and reflection I saw while doing a Cycle class this morning was enough to make me mad.

I totally get that there are seasons to life. You'll have times of great success and then periods of stagnant growth. And then you'll also have times when it all falls to pieces and you're stuck wondering where the heck did it go wrong? Only this time I'm not really wondering. I know good & well what happened. Which makes it feel all the more yucky. 

Here is what happened. Let's get it out. Set it on fire & move on. I'm going to be honest & if you're starting your own road to getting healthy, losing the baby weight, and or starting weight loss journey # 56, like me, you should get honest with yourself too. This didn't happen over night. To either of us. 

  • I began to  reward myself with food again. 
  • I got too confident. I gave up on relying on God because it became something that I *knew* how to manage. I no longer prayed the prayer of giving control back to God. I *had* this. (and that obviously worked out swell for me). 
  • cheat meals became cheat weeks became cheat months
  • Every. single.slice. of bread. was eaten. 
  • I  took the mindset that as long as I was working out once a week I could eat what I wanted. "I was still working out...."
  • a few relationships in my life turned sour. and it made me angry, feeling betrayed, and sad. Instead of turning  to exercise to work through stress I turned back to food.
  •  I whined to  myself "I don't have tiiimmmmeeeee anymoreeee...." wahhhh baby! 
  • I'm mad....let's eat chipotle
  • I'm sad.... let's eat McDonalds
  • I'm stressed....hand over the goldfish and Doritos
  • I'm happy.....let's eat ice cream
  • When I noticed  weight creeping back on---I ignored it. Meh, who cares about a few pounds. NBD.
Only now I CARE! and I'm PISSED! and I'm MOTIVATED. and GOSH DARN IT LAURA BETH YOU TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now that the wheels are off, the truth is out, where do I begin? Where do we begin? 

At the beginning my friends.  It's a very good place to start. When we read we begin with ABC. when we lose weight we begin with DO NOT EAT.
DO NOT EAT THE CRAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.  10 finger snaps if you caught that reference. :) 

I started tracking my meals using WW again. I'm measuring my portions and making sure to stay within my range. We joined our local YMCA so that I have facilities available and child care taken care of so there are no excuses. Week one down and my weigh in is on Monday. I'm really hoping for a change in the scale. It's just as hard the second time around. It will get better. Can't wait for that.