Four and a Half. I'm nuts.

What the what friends!! It's race week! Ring the alarm!! It's here.

I AM GOING TO RUN FOUR AND A HALF MILES ON THANKSGIVING FOR FUN. If in June you would have told me that I would exercise for enjoyment on the holiday where buttoning pants is totally optional I would have spit my Dr. Pepper on you. and probably questioned our friendship.

And yet, here we are. 

I'm so nervous. I so excited. I cannot wait to achieve this goal. This goal is personal for me. Sooooo personal. This run resembles my growth as person. It represents changing habits and relying on faith.

With thankfulness on my mind and the 30 days of Thanks filling up my facebook feed I thought I'd leave you with some of my own .....

• I'm thankful for Pandora and Christian Aguilera's Genie in a Bottle for simultaneously bringing me back to 1999 and getting me through the last part of mile 4 today.

• I'm thankful that the little yapper dog that followed me for two blocks yesterday's bark was bigger than his bite.

• I'm thankful that you can always cross to the other side of the street when the crazy! psychotic! flock of scary geese all raise their heads at once and start bobbing their creepy little necks all at once. Miserable creatures that freak. me. out.

• I'm thankful for Pit Bull. His songs bring out the Southside in me and I truly enjoy my hip hop infused runs. Mister Worldwide!

• I'm thankful for the angel of a gentleman who honked his horn at me. Thank you for that boost in self esteem kind sir.

• I'm thankful that Scott supports my hobbies. I'm sure he's thankful that running has replaced my shopping hobby.

• I'm thankful that athletic gear is so adorable and allows me to secretly continue my shopping hobby. :)

• I'm thankful for you who read my blog and support me and listen to me. Your words of encouragement are appreciated and will be carried with me on race day.

I can't believe it's this week! Akjhaslknfwilunweljnlaskjrawlaw3aisdoawei!!!!!!!!!!

Details.

I don't love every moment of motherhood.  Yes, they are blessings and my most favorite gift---but whewwww buddy it isn't always pretty. I fail. They fail. It's hard wobbling through this relationship with my children at times.  I have a temper. They tend to whine. And I'll stop there.

My morning started at 4:00AM. Ohhh yea. Noah still isn't the best sleeper.  Yep, I'm side eyeing myself too. I don't know why he woke up so early today but cuddles seemed to be all he wanted and you bet  I gave him those cuddles.  We snuggled in on the couch and both  fell asleep.  It was a secret slice of chocolate cake heaven.

Before I dozed off I kept breathing in the details of my 15 month Noah. His fluffy blonde hair. The way his toes curl when he sleeps,  the little crumbs that are always on his face, the way the pacifier falls out of his mouth with the familiar clicking when he falls into sleep. These details that I take for granted. 

 

 

 

While there are definitely moments I don't puffy heart being a parent. One day when these babies of mine are older I'll look back on this time and say that I did. It will be 100% true.
The rotten and stressful will be overcome by the joyous and love-filled. I'll forget that Noah threw his breakfast on the floor again and that Lilly cried about only wanting to wear purple everyday for a week. 

I'm crazy in-love with my people. And all of our details I don't ever want to forget.

I'm Crawling Out of this Week

This week has been rough you guys. Shaken to my core rough. Lay awake at night thinking and thinking getting nowhere with my thoughts. Becoming tormented by my thoughts. I'm telling this to you because I KNOW you have them too. We all go through days, weeks, or months of triumphs and then we sink into the valleys and crawl our way out. I'm crawling out of one of those weeks.

Questions that won't ever be answered. Seeing dear friends in deep pain. Feeling like there must of been something I could do to help. Wishing relationships hadn't been severed. Craving the healing of the Lord but feeling distant. I've been wrestling  with self doubt.  I'm holding dear to relationships in which I can truly be free and second guessing ones in which perhaps I've shared too much. 

Where am I going with these thoughts?  I'm not really sure. I'm just pouring out my thoughts to you because you're there to listen and really that's all that we need sometimes. Someone to listen.

This week my runs were different.  I felt my runs turn from something I need to do for my PHYSICAL health to something I need for my own MENTAL health. Each step was pounded out this week. I was angry. I was confused.  The steps were harder than usual because all the frustrations, questions, and pain were leaving me with each stride---making myself stronger. STRONGER.

I knew I wanted to lose weight. I needed to. I couldn't handle the guilt, shame, and self hate any longer. However, never did it cross my mind on that day back in June that I'd be gaining a mental and emotional strength through this transformation of habits.

Five Weight Loss Tips For The Busy Mom

Do you know how silly I feel writing this? It's a combination of  silliness and pride. I'm so glad that this time my wish to finally lose the weight stuck. I'm so glad that I'm motivated, determined, and devoted. I also know what it feels like to WANT to be motivated, determined, and devoted and to FAIL. I've done that repeatedly. I can think of four instances that stick out in my mind right now. So getting ready to write out my own tips for losing weight and getting healthy feels a little silly right now. But I'm going to do it, because I've lost 40 pounds as of today. I may be new to running. I am definitely new to making healthier choices. I've hit a groove and I feel like I could maybe help motivate or inspire others to do the same. Because FORTY.

Just so you don't think I'm super woman, please know that I'm a mess. Literally, I've written about it before. I cannot for the life of me keep it together--and I'm okay with that. How boring to be perfect, I'm much more interesting because I'm a hot mess. It lets me enjoy the Grace I'm given so. much. more.

That being said, I definitely have honed in on what it takes to lose weight. Losing weight is hard. If it was easy I we'd all be our ideal weight! If it was easy I wouldn't of shed tears over it. If it was easy--we wouldn't be so inspired by others that have done it before us.  And you guys, I'm convinced it's even harder when you have a family to take care of, a job to uphold, a house to keep clean, and relationships of both  family and friends that you want to pour into. The following five things are simply what I've found to work for me. These tips keep me healthy, losing weight, motivated, and on track while keeping up two toddlers, a job, and a neeeedddyyyyyy husband that can't find anything. Love you, honey.

1.  Create a Board of Weight Loss Inspiration on Pinterest

What a great resource we have in Pinterest.  Making a ( secret) board with nothing but tips and trips to inspire my weight loss has been CRUCIAL to losing weight. I keep links to fitness blogs I love, photos of my 'goals', healthy recipes,  and other tips and tricks others have written about in this board. Several times a week I look through the Health and Fitness section of Pinterest and pin things that pertain to my own goals.  I don't pin pictures that don't seem attainable to me. While some photos of women in the fitness section look darling and ohsofit I don't see becoming a fitness model as a goal. Her abs will NEVER be my abs. Lilly and Noah made sure of that. So that girl---doesn't get pinned. I don't want to be discouraged when I look through my images. I want them to be attainable to ME. I also go through my own board during moments of weakness. I avoided what would have surely become a fast food binge by looking through items in my board. If you're just beginning to think about wanting to make a change in your lifestyle I suggest heading to Pinterest and creating your own board.

2. Useful Apps

There are so many useful apps to help you with your fitness goals. I don't have time to go to a computer to track. I don't have the willpower to actually write down  anything. However,  I do have my phone with me at all times. I needed something streamlined that wouldn't create another thing to do in my already BUSY day. I have no excuse not to take advantage of the health apps at my disposal!   Here are a few of the most useful apps for me:

Weight Watchers Online: I love weight watchers. I really think that WW was the key to my success. I've tried MyFitnessPal but wasn't able to stay motivated because well, it was free. It didn't HURT me if I didn't use it. WW---hurts a bit because it does have a monthly fee. Through this app I've learned portion control, healthy swaps, how many calories to consume and maintain a healthy and steady weight loss. I love the tracker, cheat sheets, inspiring stories, scanner, etc. It's a super app.

Nike Plus: This app tracks my runs. I am able to keep tabs on distance, pace, and time through this app. When I first started it helped me turn my walking into a slow jog, into a jog, into a run.  There are lots of others out there. This happens to be my fave.

C25K free: A great training resource for beginners. It was intimidating to me at first!


3. Have Low Calorie and Healthy Snacks READY

Since I'm doing weight watchers all of my fruits and vegetables are zero points. This is another reason I like Weight Watchers. This portion of the program forces me to make the healthiest choice when snacking. I don't like to use my daily points for snacks--I want to save them for meals! I have a few go to ZERO POINT snacks that I frequent A LOT. I always have these snacks available to me so I DON'T dip into my kids snacks. Fruit snacks are FIVE points. I can't afford to eat those when I only get 26 points a day. Carrots...carrots....carrottssssssssssss

Baby Carrots with Ranch Seasoning Mix--This makes baby carrots delish. I sprinkle a little on top of my carrots and its the savory and salty mix that hits the spot.

Baby Dill Gherkins

Cinnamon Apples-- Slice the apple and top with 1 packet of Truvia and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon --Microwave for 30 seconds. DIVINE. and ZERO POINTS.

Peaches and Cool Whip Free-- One tablespoon of Cool Whip Free is zero points. Top ANY fruit with  CWF for a nutritious and ZERO POINT snack

Sweet Mini Peppers and Salsa


4. Schedule Exercise In Your Family Calendar
We're busy--like REALLY busy and most days you don't have time to exercise--I get that. Most days I don't have time---I have to make time. I know, ouch, right? This was the biggest change for me. I was a old fat parrot repeating that I would LOVE to work out but because of my kids, time, weather, it's Tuesday, I have to breathe,  etc I  didn't have time.  The fact is--I did have time I was just choosing to spend it on other things.  I schedule out my workouts now. If I don't schedule, it doesn't get done.  I check with my husbands work schedule a week in advance and write out the times I have for a run. Some days I have to bring both kids with me in order to get a run in. The days I can't possibly fit a run in I do a DVD. I choose to do Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred because it's quick ( 20 minutes) and really gets me sweating. Level 3 is lay on the floor for five minutes afterwards because you can't move hard. I had to learn to adjust my goals to ones that are actually achievable as a busy mom. I can't do a 7 day  a week work out routine. I can't do a 5 day a week work out routine. I CAN do a three day a week routine. I can MAKE TIME three days a week to get active. If I am able to get in more than three days a week I am happy because I was able to go above what I had committed to.

5.  Track Your Motivation

On May 31st I wrote with blue dry erase marker on my bathroom mirror the number 195. *gulp*.  I was at my unhappiest with my weight. I was defeated and embarrassed. I wanted to change but I did not see HOW I could make it work.  That number stared at me every day for three weeks before I decided to try and do something about it. Once I started WW I updated my progress every week on my mirror. After a few weeks of seeing the number shrink I had a constant reminder of my progress and HARD work. Seeing these numbers each day sets my day off on the right track. I can see how far I've come and it motivates me like crazy.


In true busy preschool mom fashion my littlest is up from his nap an HOUR early and must go grab the nugget.

The biggest take away advice that I have to give is that I had to GIVE UP some things in order to make my health a top priority.

I've not yet met a mother that can stay healthy, keep a spotless home,  several incredibly polite and well groomed kids, a happy boss, and stalk keep up with all their friends on social media. You can't do it all. I can't do it all. AND frankly, say I do meet a woman who can? I'm not really sure we could be friends, or hang out, or breath the same air even.

I only like to be around dysfunction--just sayin.

November Goals

So goals. Never really been that great at them. Good intentions pave the way then procrastination and a "why bother" attitude normally end them. I'd really like to make goals and stick with them. I think goals are a great way to measure success. I think goals can keep you motivated. I like the feeling of accomplishing something. I like check marks. I just have a hard time with the middle CARRYING OUT THE PLAN part of goals.

So I'm in love with the idea of goals.

I'd like to try and work on this. Hold me accountable dear friends.  I'm making five goals this November. Sitting down on the first  brand new shiny day of this month I can tell you with complete honesty that I plan on tackling these goals. These things are gonna happen.---or  how bout' this. I'll share my deepest darkest secret with you on December 1.  Deal? Great.  Hopefully you're not going to wish me to fail to get my juicy secret. Cause it's definitely good---and I definitely don't want my friends to know let alone the internet.  But if I were in your shoes, I'd be wishing failure on you.  ((winky face))

1. Family Dinner

I want to make the things that matter MATTER MORE in my family. I believe that over time, love and stories will create a habit of commitment and truth within my people. One way to make things MATTER MORE is to reclaim the dinner table.  We do a fairly good job of this  but we could be better. I want to eat family meals from start to finish together at least 4 times a week. That shouldn't be that hard, but it is.   Do your evenings end up being a mad rush from 5:00 until bedtime in your family? Oh, mine do. The mental countdown begins around 4:30 most days and even earlier on the days my children are glorious heathens. Then dinner, husband home, eat, dishes, laundry,  playtime, tackles, chasing, sweating, falling, stripping, bathing, jammies, cuddles, bed. Most nights we compile tasks at the dinner table  i.e. dishes while the pokey's are finishing, folding laundry while eating, and even stripping naked before they've even finished their meals. I could SLOW DOWN this time and ENJOY the time together rather than quickly checking off the todos for the night. I could LISTEN to what my family has to say instead of hurrying them to EAT. YOUR. DANG. FOOD. CHILD. I could actually care about the answer my husband gives when I ask him how his day was instead of verbally vomiting on him the crisises of my own day. This month I'm gonna slow my roll.

 

2. Keep riding the weight loss train

Woooooo wooooooo.....

This November I'm going to continue losing weight. As of today I'm 8 pounds away from my goal weight! Wait! WHAT! HOLLERRRR!!! It's been hard the last few weeks as I've been having weigh ins of  +.4 , -1.0, and -.6. They aren't the big losses that I love, but slowly and surely changes are happening. My goal for November is to lose 6 pounds.  I'm also a few weeks away from running in my first. ever. race. ((that I'll hopefully finish)). 

 

3. Make a new friend

I love relationships. I love meeting new people and I get JAZZED when I'm in a room full of people. Are you like me? I like meeting people for the first time (even though I worry constantly about the first impression I give) and I really like chatting over a good cup of caffeine.  There is something exciting to me about getting to know someone and realizing  that we have fun connections or maybe that we are totally opposites. Regardless,  it's fun for me. I'd love to make a new friend this month, or at least meet someone new. Do I know YOU?   No seriously. 

4. Get a new bootie

I think I'm ready to try the bootie trend. I have loved them for several seasons but never had the cahones to purchase any. I can't resist any longer and I'm looking for a cute pair of cognac ones for under 60 bucks. If you scout some pinkie promise to tell me?

5. Empty Threats-- Stop using them

On the way home from the Children's Museum (Yes, I went back....) I made three different threats to Lilly. 

"C'mon Lilly, I'm leaving.....I'll miss you."

 Dude, I'm not leaving her....and she knows it.

 

" If  you keep acting like a baby maybe you should put a diaper back on." 

Dude, that's dumb. I annoyed myself with this one. That's a punishment to me! There's no way on God's  green Earth that I'm putting a diaper back on that butt. 

 

" Do I need to call Daddy and tell him you need a spanking when you get home?"

Dude, I  say that but I'll never do it.

When I heard myself saying these three empty threats one after another in a five minute time frame I realized that I have a problem. A very annoying problem. The threats have to stop. They are EXHAUSTING to me.  I will not negotiate with terrorists any longer. I need to stop the threatening and PARENT her. I see this one giving me the most struggles this month.

So there they are five goals.   I can commit to working on them---right? I can do this. I can do this. I will do this. The secret is  too unbearable to share....

What are yours?


Linking this post up with The Tiny Twig today, because she's great.