Monday, December 22, 2014


Should I start out by saying sorry? Or should I just carry on considering it's been over 5 months since I've written anything. I'd love to just dive in but I feel that I  owe an explanation.   I also  need to hash all this out on my own.

Write it out.

So.  :)

I lost my voice.  Not my speaking voice (don't you fret,  I can still talk about nothing for hours), but my writing voice. For years writing has been a wonderful outlet for me. Sharing notebooks with friends in high school, filling prayer journals and future life plan books in college, to writing out my emotions and heart bits on this blog. There had never been an empty space in my writing until this fall when I just flat out stopped. I stopped caring. I felt like I had nothing to say. I neglected to take time to write for myself because, well? I have no good reason other than  I became discouraged.

You see, writing has been and always will be therapy for me. I write because I dream, I breathe, and I have feelings. LORD do I have feelings. And this fall, I bottled them up and stopped sharing them. Forgive me because I have this sense about me that all. the. feelings are about to come spewing out.

I've been hiding from it.

I'm struggling again. The weight has come back and previous blog posts where I was all IF I CAN DO IT YOU CAN DO IT! Make a plan! Pray! Search for the Lord's strength! Weight Watchers! Run! YAY! RAH!  feel so hypocritical right now.

I stopped WW in July because we needed more wiggle room in the budget.

I stopped running consistently after my 2nd half marathon in September.

I ate all. the. foods. all. the times. all fall. they tasted good.

And here I am.  25 pounds heavier. Discouraged. Unmotivated.  BUT FEELING HONEST.


and maybe you have as well. Perhaps it's not weight you struggle with. Or those delicious Lindt truffles that awwwww jeeeezzzz are amazing. Perhaps it's patience with your kids. Or  gossiping. Or infidelity. Or Lying......or any combination. But I struggle and I know you do to--but we don't talk about it. Because we're mothers and we're the glue of the family. We hold crap together. And we fake it until we make it. Until we don't make it anymore.....

 How do you get back on track when things go into tailspin? Do you really want to make changes? What gets us beyond the I SHOULD CHANGE   to the I WILL CHANGE.

I've been on the top of the mountain & unfortunately ( or maybe honestly is the right word) I've  bumped and backslid instead of reaching the summit.

There is accountability in my words more than my actions. That totally seems backwards, right?  This fall while my running shoes sat untouched  I didn't feel guilty. It was when someone mentioned my blog that guilt crept in. My blog is where I wrote about becoming healthier & during those conversations healthy choices were NOT being made. It felt fake. I was ashamed...because "oh yea, I wrote that." A post of mine started making rounds on pinterest and I felt ashamed because if they only knew ....

I hope you appreciate and can relate to my honesty. This space feels fraudulent right now---but being honest with you ( and myself) this  is truly my first step in turning things around. I WANT TO MAKE CHANGES as I'm sure you do too.  Let's do them together......again.

Laura Beth


  1. I'm sorry you fell off the wagon. It hurts to realize that you've been coasting. It painful to look in the mirror and find that you're not who you want to be. It's shocking to find out that the effort to climb and achieve is so much harder than falling back. Harder still to see how easy falling is compared to climbing. But, you're not alone. Everyone experiences this. Everyone strives. Everyone falls back. Everyone has to choose between floating with the tide and choosing a course: Between drifting and swimming. So, you've drifted for a while. Big deal. Start swimming again. Sure the tide is strong and constant. Sure there are obstacles to defeat. But you've done it before. You can and will do it again. The choice belongs to you and me and everyone you know, everyone in the world. It's tiring. It's heartbreaking. It's life. And life in Christ is destined to be good and if it isn't good at the moment it will be good in the end and if it's not good right now, it's not the end. Swim daughter. Swim.

  2. Ditto to Grandpa Scott :) Also, a wise fish once said...."just keep swimming, just keep swimming."

  3. whoop whoop Love,Laura Beth post!! Im right here with ya sista! Let's rock out 2015!!!! The best is yet to come!! Coffee date??

  4. I so relate to this - the weight part. I was so hardcore & did so well for awhile, but i have gained back all of it. :( I'm miserable & frustrated, but i have got to get back on track!! ...i've been saying that awhile now.

  5. We all struggle, slip, fall back, and try again. You are not alone.

  6. Tears friend, I just hopped on bloglovin for the first time in forever (eh frozen tune) and your post came up first. I am with ya. I have lost the same 30 lbs so many times I have lost count. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about how or why I do this to myself. I am starting over again too this week. Praying for you that you will get your groove back and headed to where you want to be!

  7. Thank you for your honesty...look forward to seeing your progress and successes in 2015!

  8. This was such a great, honest post. I hope you are able to actually give yourself some grace and find a new strength and routine that will make you happy and healthy! Best of luck!!