Thursday, October 18, 2012

transparent honest and real ((those are scary words))

You know me. I'm a stranger. You knew me once. I'm someone you relate to from behind a screen. You have no idea HOW you got here thanks to a random google search.  Regardless, thanks for being here.


I've almost stopped blogging many times. Yet each time I say to myself that I don't NEED to blog--I find myself missing it and I come back. I don't know how many people read my posts.  I enjoy sharing my life. I find happiness in allowing others into my heart and mind in hopes that I can do the same with them.

I'm messy---really messy. Occasionally dirty--but always messy.

I love lillypie. LOVE IT. I find so much happiness in creating--even if it's just a little headband.

I have no business plan. I have no idea where I'd like lillypie to go. I always adapt it to my season. I do what works for my family and I. If I'm content with the amount of time I'm devoting to it and I have happy--returning customers then that's how it will stay. I would LOVE to do more wholesale in local boutiques.

When I saw a baby elephant nursing at the zoo I got jealous. Really jealous. I wanted to nurse so badly and for one reason or another my body wouldn't allow me to. 

I get angry when I see on EVERY. FORMULA. CAN. "Important notice: Breastfeeding is best". I don't see the need to remind mothers every time they open their formula can that they aren't doing what's best. I believe it enhances mommy guilt and pressure on women to be an ideal "perfect" mother--which none of us are.  The LAST thing a mother needs is to be slapped in the face with BF notices when the entire reason they have bought the formula is either they have CHOSEN to use it or are FORCED to use it.

I've struggled with Post Partum Depression with both my children. I hate it and wish I didn't have it--but I believe with every fiber of my being that the reason I have it is because the Lord wants me to help other moms going through it. I don't bring it up very often but I'm not shy about talking about it. I want to help other mothers dealing with the nasty beast that is PPD. I don't have much advice when dealing with PPD because I am still in midst of it---but I do want to provide the comfort that Yes, it's real. No, it's not forever. No, this isn't you. Yes, it sucks. Yes, you can handle it. Yes, the meds are important.

My husband and I make really adorable chicken nuggets. Proof?

it was   reeeaaaallly windy that day..obvs.

I don't know how women/mothers functioned before the Crock Pot. Seriously. I think I could get rid of my oven at this point. It's used for making brownies and pizza. Hmm....and I'm  pretty sure I could find a crock pot brownie recipe on pinterest.............

I often feel like I'm failing---but I know I'm not. I'm a good mother.


I'm most inspired artistically by color. I get excited about color and gravitate towards jewel tones. I think it's pretty rad that they're everywhere these days. I love pairing colors together and my favorite combo this moment is a reddish coral with a raspberry pink. Ughhh...swoon. I would love to talk colors and pairings with someone for long periods of time but haven't found anyone to do that with yet....

I'm crazy about my family. My perfect evening is when Scott gets home early and we have dinner together (from the crock pot of course). We take turns holding our wiggly Noah while Lilly plays in family room. The TV is off and phones are in the other room. A fire is crackling and a cup of coffee is in my hands. We read stories, do puzzles, play a game of candy land, laugh, dance, and sing. and my favorite moment of those evenings?? When Scott and I catch each others eyes and smile knowing that our life is pretty awesome. Our kids are ornery and fabulous. and we truly love each other.  Ahhh---wish those nights happened more often.

see that terrible carrier?? dont buy it...got a new one. the. next. day.

I'm happy you're here. I share my life because I love doing it. and also in hopes of creating new relationships with some of you. and I'm not just saying that.









16 comments:

  1. Personally, I love reading your blog posts. You help me feel more "normal" and that I also am not a failing mother/wife/daughter/friend for not living up to my perception of who everyone else is. I love your honesty. I love your candidness. I love seeing pics of your beautiful creations and your beautiful bebes. You just help me feel a little better about just being me. :)

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    1. Thanks Kim. Feeling normal in the midst of chaos is comforting! :)

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  2. I love this --- totally felt like a kindred spirit in some parts of this. Thanks for the peek into your life :)

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  3. I love reading your blog, it is nice to peek into someone else's version of this crazy life=)I love the things you create, I have a small just beginning shop too, and it is so hard to balance being a stay at home mom and trying to be creative and productive at the same time. I hope you like your new carrier, I tried the Moby wrap and found that its not as easy to use as I hoped, so there went 45 dollars...I think I used it 3 times....uggghhhh. One of my favorite things is fabric I love it, I help my MIL find new lines for her shop....so I'm trying to find a soul sister who speaks fabric...have a great weekend! Heather

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    1. It's so hard to balance especially in the beginning! So much work goes into a small etsy business. I had no clue how many nights I'd work wee hours into the morning. I also had no clue how much I WOULD LOVE IT. :)

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  4. I have ppd too. I go to a group at IU North every Monday at 10. It's completely free and a great resource. If you think you would like to come, message me and I will get you in touch with the facilitator. She is wonderful. You can also look it up on the IU North website.

    I also had bf issues and was not able. It is so refreshing to hear another persons struggle. I saw that on the can too, and got mad. You are totally right way to keep making mothers feel awful!!

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    1. Thanks for sharing danielle!!! I'd love to go but I don't have anyone to watch the kiddos. I think bringing my kids to a PPD meeting would kinda cancel each other out..haha know what I mean? ;) I'm glad you feel refreshed. I always do as well. It's just nice to know that I'm not the only person struggling. It's so common---but not often shared. I was really nervous posting this because of that reason. Thanks!

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  5. I know for me I often want tangible evidence that I've been doing something good. I want to see that something is cleaner, I want to watch my kids (OR ME) behave better, I want to have something to hang on my wall...or more importantly post on my blog! I know I'm totally guilty of trying to post only the good things that have been going on, but as I've been posting all this month about trying to be a better mom, I feel like all I'm doing is revealing my weaknesses and bad habits :) Hang in there momma! It sounds like you're doing a great job!

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  6. Love this post and love your stuff! I gravitate towards your necklaces and have bought a couple of them :) I suffered with major post partum anxiety after I had my son, who is now 3. And we are about to start trying for another, and have already told my dr to have the meds ready for me! I use crafting (and wine drinking) as a stress reliever :)

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    1. absolutely!!! I always joke that drinking downer helps me accept that i need to take an upper. :)

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  7. We bring our kids to the meeting! They play with eachother! It's just a great place to connect if you can!

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  8. I love the crock pot and all it's amazingness! I can't believe all the wonderful things it can make! And I feel you on the whole BF and formula thing... with Zane I just couldn't do it. And when I'd use the formula I always felt like I was being judged by someone because I wasn't BF him. I am going to try again with Lilah but of course there are no guarantees that it'll work! So to know that I am not alone is a wonderful thing :)

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  9. I really enjoy reading your blog. I love that you are so open about real life. I struggle with anxiety and depression. Like it's so bad that I am to afraid to even have a baby because I am afraid it will get worse after. You give me hope that I could do it.

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    1. the honest truth is that it might. i think i've always had anxiety issues even before children and that I became more aware of it because of the PPD. I know what helps me is knowing that the Lord is taking care of me. Having a relationship with him really helps me when I feel like I'm failing and can't do anything the way it's supposed to be. That---and the meds. :)

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