twelve

Thank you so much for  the sweet comments and emails regarding my pour it out on the line post last week!  I feel committed to this----and I really think that by holding myself accountable to you will help in the long run. Sooooo I'm committing to blogging HONESTLY about my progress. I know I can do this----and it helps my soul to pound out the  thoughts spinning in my head.

Confession---I wrote the GULP..... post a little over five weeks ago. I couldn't get myself to hit publish because of fears. Fear of failing. Fear of being transparent. Fear of admitting that I knew I was overweight. Catching up----I started Weight Watchers Online the night of my meltdown and I've been learning the system and kinda falling in love since. There are calculators, scanners, blogs, articles, and little trophies all on your phone/tablet. TROPHIES! Never in my life have I earned a trophy--virtual or not. They don't give out trophies for being an artsy kid or for knowing all the lyrics to Sound of Music---sad.

In a little over five weeks I'm down 12 pounds. Raise the roof friends!  I've steadily been losing 2-3 pounds a week. It's more than the Weight Watcher Program suggest (which is .5-2 per week) however I do think I am losing more because these habits have been such a shock to my system. I don't predict that I will continue shedding 2-3 per week---only if the weight loss fairy makes an appearance, and in that case she better be taking more than 3 pounds!! I'd like to abracadabra about 40 away!

This weekend was our family reunion. I look forward to it each summer. Last year we went and Noah was three weeks old and this year he's over one----and I'm still the same size. I'm not sure if anyone noticed or even cared---but that thought was in my head the entire weekend. I sometimes notice that about other people and silently judge---it's an ugly habit. So I assume that everyone else does the same thing. They probably don't-----our silent struggles are the worst, no? Well---I guess mine isn't so silent anymore.....

Since starting WW I've been very committed. It's like for the first time I've woken up and been like "Let's dooooo thiiissssss" everyday!!  Where did this commitment come from? The LORD, duh. The night of my breakdown, I prayed that He would help me through this, hold me, give me strength--and you know what? He TOTALLY has. Dang, He's so great. It's funny what happens when you totally give your cares to Him. I encourage you to do that, if you've never tried it out. Seriously.