I want it to MATTER.

I'm like you.

Did you know that? Oh, hopefully you did.  I'm imperfect and flawed.  I'm courageous and scared. I'm hopeful and skeptical. I'm trying my best and I know so are you.

 I'm a mother who loves my kids a crazy insane amount. I don't deserve those boogers. They are a piece of my heart that I didn't know was missing.  I can turn on the sap real quick with the "I didn't know love until they arrived!" "They make me a better person!" Most days they fill me with joy, elation, and frustration in the very same moment.  Gushy mushy mom pride is the best, AMEN?

Their eyes. They look at you each day for guidance. For acceptance. For love. For fruit snacks--always with the fruit snacks. They need me for everything.  I am their safe place, their home, their world.  There is no greater influence in the life of my child than my husband and I.
Guys---that's SCARY.


I know it scares you too.

 Each day is an equal mix of confidence that I'm doing my best and fear that it's not enough--in reality? These pieces of my heart, these children are only *mine* for a few short years. They don't stay little. Wah.

 I was able to attend the Orange Tour Conference  a few weeks ago.  The conference's focus was all about encouraging pastors, ministry workers, small group leaders, and parents that what you do in the life of a child this week matters. 

Reggie Joiner is a great communicator and leader.  Read his books and if you have an opportunity to hear him speak? Pounce on that. He spoke during several sessions and I found myself clicking away on my phone taking notes like a crazy  woman. As both  a parent of preschoolers and one of the leaders of a preschool ministry at church I found myself nodding my head, smacking my tongue in my best ooooohh girrrrllllll way  and even raising the roof during his sessions. Wish I was kidding about the raise the roof thing---apparently that's not a thing anymore.  Hashtag child of the 90s.

Because we are alike. Because you most likely will have  an impact on a child's life this week. Because you are trying your best. Because you love them like crazy. I'd love to share some of my take aways with you.

• The only way you can really convince someone you love them is with time.

• We can't make a kid love God or even believe in Him---but we can create opportunities for them to have impactful relationships with adults who show them what God's love means.

• The best way for kids to learn how to love God is to love people who love God.

• Things every child needs to hear from their parents. I love you. I believe in you. I understand. God loves you. I'm sorry. I didn't know that. I made a mistake.

Oh how I want my children to know that a caring God loves them like crazy. He Loves them more than I do. I want them to feel God's grace and know that He has big plans to use them.

I feel a sense of urgency when I think about their future. Do you feel it for your own kids? Or the kids in your circle of influence?  How can we as parents, make what matters---matter more?

It has to happen-----or I'm getting a maid

I've been waiting for something. I'm waiting for the day when it all comes together.  The day when I finally get my ISH together and have a clean home, quiet time when it is actually quiet, an empty sink for longer than 10 minutes,  a minute to exercise without a toddler attempting to jump on me, and most importantly a floor free of crumbs, rouge princess shoes, half eaten goldfish, and angry dust bunnies.

Let me guess.....it's never going to happen.

There are four things that I desperately desire as a mom/wife/crazy person

1. happy family
2. artistic outlet
3. healthy body
4. clean home

I can successfully have three out of the four at any given time. However it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to have all four at once. I've been trying. Ohhhhhhh have I been trying. for approximately my 30 years. Failing each year----at something different.

For the past 4 years I put having a healthy body on the back burner....hell it wasn't even on a burner. It was buried under Dr. Pepper, ice cream binges, and Mc Donald's cheeseburgers! It wasn't important to me and I was too lazy to put in the work to change.

As time when on it was apparent that an unhealthy body had a negative effect on my "happy family". My kids were happy----but Scott and I weren't. We weren't unhappy. We weren't having troubles....but we weren't the best we could be. I was dragging us down. My self hate and victim talk wore us both out. I'd whine about not fitting in clothes. I'd cry about how ugly I felt. I'd complain and negate any compliment given to me. I'd given up......and it effected our family.

Making the change this summer to work towards a healthier me has been awesome. I'm so motivated and encouraged by the changes I see in my body. I'm down 28 pounds as of today!  ::fist bumps!!::  My relationship with my husband is improving because of a self confidence that is emerging from me. I feel good. Can I shout that? I FEEL DANG GOOD!!

 

 

Choosing to lose weight takes up time. I have to schedule time for exercise. I have to schedule time to actually make meals. It takes a lot more planning. A lot more effort. I'm so happy that I've stuck with it. Ooooh goodness was it tough in the beginning!! So many nights I wanted to just quit----but this time I didn't. I knew that I couldn't make the changes I wanted to make on my own. I'm a weakling. I prayed for the Lord to help me. He's given me strength---it's so great to just GIVE those problems to  Him.  Can I get really honest, it's probably the first time I've TRULY done that. Heyoooooo control freak.


But I can't do it all---something's gotta give.


1. happy family ( yes!! love my boogers)
2. artistic outlet ( painting my side table PLUM this evening....twelve types of excited!)
3. healthy body (werrrrrrkin on it.......)
4. clean house ( FAILURE. FAILURE. FAILETY. FAILLLLLLLL)


There are cheerios all over my house. Crusted food and crayon marks on my walls. Multiple piles of laundry to be done and NONE of them actually in a hamper. Dishes in the sink from last night.  LAST. NIGHT.


But I can't have it all.

You don't, right?????!!!!






Or is it just me...








or should I hire a cleaning service.


it only makes sense.