I'm mad at myself. Mad as in--I'm annoyed at myself and wish I could get away from me...for a long time. I'd like to pack a bag and become someone else for a few days. I just had an appointment with my doctor. All day I was looking forward to it. I enjoy going because I get to hear her heartbeat, and OH how I love that. No no--not today, Mrs. Laura.Emotional.Self-Absorbed.Vain.Bia decided to go to the appointment. I stepped on the scale per usual and allowed the skyrocketing number to consume the rest of the appointment. I hardly even remember listening to her heartbeat because I was so freaked about about my weight gain. SERIOUSLY LAURA...GET A GRIP. I have a healthy baby girl with a strong heartbeat, and all I could think about was "Wow. You're getting fat. You're just halfway. You're going to look like a blimp in your brother's wedding. People will probably talk about you behind your back and pitty how swollen you've gotten. All that walking is really paying off. NOT!" How annoying am I? It's so like me.
As I'm tying this, the anger is subsiding and it's more sadness. I let a joyful moment get ruined because I was transfixed on my appearance and figure (or lack there of).
I fail for the day. Cool pregnancy. Cool hormones.
Do the body image issues ever go away?
Better luck tomorrow.