Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tantrums in Church ((learning to draw near))
Watching my darling sweet toddler have a full blown meltdown in the foyer at church on Sunday surrounded by strangers, friends, and everyone in between I realized two things.
The first being that this little one could very well have a career in the dramatic arts. Girl can turn. it. on.
The second being that there is no way that I can do this on my own. Or even that Scott and I could do this on our own. We are hopeless as parents. Hopeless in the fact that despite all the "gut feelings", reading, Super Nanny watching, crying to my parents, asking advice from others--we'll never get it perfectly right.
I know, I'm being a real downer right now!I can go there real fast. :) But stick with me....
What I've known for a while yet not really committed to the idea is that despite all our love and good intentions--there is no way to perfectly parent a toddler. I'm convinced it's impossible. Just like getting her to put her pants on in the morning without a chase or two around the bed.
This week I've been taking the "i'm going to test your boundaries two's" way too personally. I was allowing myself to think that I was the reason she was testing me. I should've done something different. I let this happen. She was laying on the floor showing her messy cry in the house of the Lord--on the sabbath because of me.
How am I going to survive living like that?!
I struggled with PPA after Lilly's birth and it was like a twinge of that nasty self-hate voice was back whispering in my ear. and Ohhhhh...heckkkkk NO I'm NOT going back there. So I went to the Lord about that.
Here is what He's teaching me...
Yup, I can't do it alone and I'm not DESIGNED to. No one is. I was designed with the purpose of RELYING and TRUSTING in Him. I can't do it alone without epic failure. He wants me to come to Him. He wants me to love and trust Him. With those things I WILL be the best mom I can to Lilly. When I draw nearer to Him rather than relying on my own ways ((which recently is crying and googling)) I still feel overwhelmed--but it's no longer 100% my problem.
We're not designed to handle battles and struggles on our own. You have worries. family turmoil. unrest. anxiety. self doubt. messy house. crying infant. demanding work. or failing relationships. You're not alone. And there's a loving God that doesn't want you to be.
It's a lesson I'm learning. :)