You can't fake running----so I'm not sure why I've thought of myself as a fake runner for the last 5 months. Running is the least fake thing you can do. You can't pretend to love it if you don't. You can't walk and pretend it's running. You can't fake a faster time. You can't fake a sweat. You can't fake the pain. You can't fake the release of tension. You can't hide behind anything when you run.
The multiple plates I spin on a daily basis stop spinning when I run. When I leave my house laced up with headphones in I escape from the busyness of my life. The toddlers can't demand anything from me. The housework doesn't scream. The emails don't get read. I don't have to have the answers. I escape from the crazy.
The first few steps of my run always ache a little. My knees remember the miles from the other day and my lungs fill the familiar burn of quickened breath. The beginning strides of my run are always freeing---I am literally running away from my day. I don't need to tell you how much I adore my family because I know you understand those moments where you need escape from your blessings for a few moments.
Once I flee from my day the routine sets in and I find my rhythm of my strides. I work through the pain of the first mile and fight off the insecurities that always creep in. The self doubts I have about myself in all aspects of my life line up before me and that first mile is always spent knocking down and assassinating each one. You're a mess of a mother and it's harder for you than it is for others. You are weak. You will fail. You are failing. Each aching stride crumbles those insecurities under my feet.
I love that feeling.
The feeling of conquering an insecurity and running all over it and proving it WRONG is what keeps me lacing up my shoes. Every time I run I'm reminded that I'm doing something that I COULD NOT do a short time ago. Every time I run I remind myself that I'm stronger than I thought I was. Every time I run I'm encouraged that my fears don't own me.
In a world where it's easy to fake a lot of things---I love being reminded that you can't fake running.