What's that scent you're wearing? an entire cup of coffee.
So I'm back in school. Back in crazy chasing around my tail morning mode.Back in rush out rush in mentality. This week...was hard....I broke down...it got the best of me. The teacher learned herself some lessons.
I long to be a SAHM. Loooonggggg.. We had the talk about this week... for the seventh time. You Working Mom's know the one... " Seriously.... we can't make it wooooorrrrk?I'll cut out Target!! Swear!" And alas, I could stay home....but the bank would own our home and kick us out thus leaving Lilly's ruffled butt homeless. So I work. And honestly, during the day is not hard. I have a darling bunch of kids and I really do enjoy teaching. It's the afternoons that are hell. The drive to my sitter's is seriously 12,009 times longer than in the morning. I always seem to get stuck behind the most RANDOM things. Trains. Old ladies. GOLF CARTS. When I pick her up and my sitter tells me about Lilly's day THOSE the moments when I realize how much I missed her. When she reaches back for the sitter when I get her in my arms. THAT'S when the tears flow. WHen I get home and see that she's basically beginning to stand on her own and I DIDN'T SEE IT.....THAT'S when I realize that I missed so much that it hurts. When I have to start the bedtime routine and I feel like I JUST got home...THAT'S when I hate working so much.
Maybe we didn't plan well enough. Maybe I didn't really realize how important it would be to me. Maybe my brain has been taken over by lilly powers. Maybe it's just something you learn. I don't know.
I learned some valuable lessons this week.
1. DON'T push snooze for an hour each day. The extra sleep only adds extra chaos when you only allow yourself 45 minutes to shower, dress, eat, wake baby, pack lunches, feed baby, and get out the door. Der.
2. DON'T take two mugs of coffee for your drive. YES, the extra cup helps get that little jump start. However, it really sucks when you're not paying attention and allow THE.ENTIRE.MUG. to spill on your pants on the way to school. Teaching in coffee pants and DRENCHED unnnawares is disgusting.
3. DON'T place too many expectations on your 11 month old on how she "should" act when you leave and/or arrive. When she doesn't fit your "what she should do's" you'll cry. and get very sad.
4. ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT.
5. Wake up on time.....you get play time with your baybeeeee. and that makes everything better.
6. Two travel mugs. Silly? Yes. Essential? Most def.
You know? 11 months in and I'm still a hot mess a lot of times. I learn so much about myself everyday. Becoming a mother has brought out issues I thought were dead. Has made me become stronger than I ever thought possible. Has strengthened friendships. Has weakened others. And most importantly has filled a spot in my heart that I never knew was empty.
Did you miss me? :)