Sunday, August 29, 2010

lessons learned.

What's that scent you're wearing?  an entire cup of coffee.

So I'm back in school. Back in crazy chasing around my tail morning mode.Back in rush out rush in mentality. This week...was hard....I broke got the best of me. The teacher learned herself  some lessons.

I long to be a SAHM. Loooonggggg.. We had the talk about this week... for the seventh time.  You Working Mom's know the one... " Seriously.... we can't make it wooooorrrrk?I'll cut out Target!! Swear!"  And alas, I could stay home....but the bank would own our home and kick us out thus leaving Lilly's ruffled butt homeless.  So I work. And honestly, during the day is not hard. I have a darling bunch of kids and I really do enjoy teaching. It's the afternoons that are hell. The drive to my sitter's is seriously 12,009 times longer than  in the morning. I always seem to get stuck behind the most RANDOM things. Trains. Old ladies. GOLF CARTS.  When I pick her up and my sitter tells me about Lilly's day THOSE the moments when  I realize how much I missed her. When she reaches back for the sitter when I get her in my arms. THAT'S when the tears flow.  WHen I get home and see that she's basically beginning to stand on her own and I DIDN'T SEE IT.....THAT'S when I realize that I missed so much that it hurts. When I have to start the bedtime routine and I feel like I JUST got home...THAT'S when I hate working so much.

Maybe we didn't plan well enough. Maybe I didn't really realize how important it would  be to me. Maybe my brain has been taken over by lilly powers.  Maybe it's just something you learn. I don't know.

I learned some valuable lessons this week.

1. DON'T push snooze for an hour each day. The extra sleep only adds extra chaos when you only allow yourself 45 minutes to shower, dress, eat, wake baby, pack lunches, feed baby, and get out the door. Der.

2.  DON'T take two mugs of coffee for your drive. YES, the extra cup helps get that little jump start.  However, it really sucks when you're not paying attention and allow THE.ENTIRE.MUG. to spill on your pants on the way to school. Teaching in coffee pants and DRENCHED unnnawares is disgusting.
3. DON'T place too many expectations on your 11 month old on how she "should" act when you leave and/or arrive.  When she doesn't fit your "what she should do's" you'll cry. and get very sad.


5. Wake up on get play time with your baybeeeee. and that makes everything better.

6. Two travel mugs. Silly? Yes. Essential? Most def.

You know? 11 months in and I'm still a hot mess a lot of times. I learn so much about myself everyday. Becoming a mother has brought out issues I thought were dead. Has made me become stronger than I ever thought possible. Has strengthened friendships. Has weakened others. And most importantly has filled a spot in my heart that I never knew was empty.

Did you miss me? :)


  1. Hello, Hello! It's been a while since I've checked in on you!

    Hope you're well and your school year is going great so far!! I couldn't agree with you more about 'asking for help' when you need it! :)

  2. welcome back! i have missed your posts - but totally understand how new routines can through off the blogging routines too!

    i hope the school year is going well - and i love the idea of getting up when your alarm goes off - i'm going to use this blog post to be my motivator tomorrow morning :)

  3. So glad your back. Hang in there during this transitional time. IT will all work out :)

  4. AMEN sister on all accounts except I don't have darling kids I get to teach everyday :( I so believe in the 2 travel mugs and I'm sure you love your Dunkin Donuts coffee just as much as I do every morning! I looong to be at home everyday with my darling Lydia bug and I know you feel the same about Lilly... WE CAN and WILL Get through this because it is what our Family needs.... hope this week is better, thinking about you and praying you will find a way to get through those teary moments.

  5. I once spilled an entire glass of smoothie on my pants. So I arrived at work with mushed banana, blueberries and strawberries all over me. And by that point my makeup was all down my face because I cried all the way to work. Oh yes...I was looking awesome that day.

    But on a seious note...I feel you. So much. We have that least once a month. I just keep telling myself for some reason I'm supposed to be working, because God is a BIG GOD and he could fix this for us but He hasn't chosen too so for. Shoot. :( But as you mentioned, there are many of us who feel your pain...and while it least we know we're not alone.Hug!

  6. sent you an email. I went over the maximum alllowed word count, ha!:)

    Love the pic below, beautiful!

  7. Just to let you are NOT alone. I never thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom until I became a mom. Two weeks ago I got a phone call while I was at work from the sitter to tell me my son was walking all over my house. I BURSTED into tears while on the phone with her and sitting at my desk. I felt like the worst mom on the planet for not being there when he took his first steps. It still breaks my heart. Being a working mom sucks..that's all there is to it!