rings update and memory lane

Weight loss was "meh" this week. I lost one pound. Would have loved to lose more because I'm creeeeeeeping up to the 30 pound mark---but a loss is a loss right?! Months ago I was only dreaming of a thinner body and today---I'm achieving it. It's all about perspective. I'm down 28 pounds from June. and...........

My wedding rings??

They fit. They hoo-rah fitty fit fit!!! :)



What a fun morning. I'm wearing my wedding set that I haven't worn in two years. TWO YEARS I've been purchasing fake rings at Target. I'm so excited to share that with you today.

Since I'm BASICALLY a newlywed today--Here are some wedding fun facts from my big day.

• I kept my lip gloss in the bustier of my dress the entire day. Somthing needed to fill those suckers up.....weird.

• I melted down in the bathroom at the hair salon that morning. My aunt Patti came in and talked me off of the "my wedding is going to be a disaster" ledge. She assured me that I was beautiful and that the plans would go as such. She told me it was okay to ask the stylist to redo my hair if I wasn't happy. It's one of my favorite memories of her. I loved how she told me that it was OKAY to be full of emotions.
• my best friend had balloons let go from the catwalk at the church when we had our kiss.. I'll let this photo do the talking on how I felt about it...

• despite my confusion with the balloons---our wedding day was fantastic. What a fun celebration we had that day. I love my husband and I think it's pretty spectacular when I look back and see what our love has done.

 

 

and HECK YES my rings fit again.

 

 

 

I'm never letting myself get too big for my rings. like EVER.

 

 

Along for the ride ((birthday post))

There are moments in my days where I throw my hands up and think WHAT was I thinking having kids? Some days it seems they are out to make life really ridiculously difficult. Put shoes on. Rip shoes off. Mop the floor. Drop a sippy cup of milk. Color a picture. Step on a Barbie. Break Barbies head off. Tears. Tears. Tears.


She turned four this week. Time seems to be speeding up. I feel like I'm standing in the center of chaos and its slowly swirling around me. She turned four this week. Dang.

We celebrated. We partied. We caked. We Build-a-Beared. Lilly shone like the sun on her day. HER DAY.

 

 

As I was hurrying my little four year old off to bed this week I remember thinking about how Lilly needed to get teeth brushed, in bed, lights out quickly because I had a to do list and some new season premieres to catch. I had it planned in my head. No messing around tonight---bed. boom. freedom.

"Mommy, could you rock me tonight?"


Yes. The answer should be and will ALWAYS be yes. So I rocked her. I played with her hair and she held my hand. We rocked cheek to cheek in one of those perfect mom moments where you just want to CLICK and capture it forever. Oh, clutch my heart she was sweet as pie. She leaned up and whispered in my ear that she'd love me forever, ever, ever........


These moments---these stories....I don't want to forget them. I want to remember the things that light up their world in this stage. I want to remember what drove me bonkerbananas.

Her story and his story is amazing and awesome---because God is the author. and I'm literally along for the ride. however long, difficult, and ridiculous it might be.

It has to happen-----or I'm getting a maid

I've been waiting for something. I'm waiting for the day when it all comes together.  The day when I finally get my ISH together and have a clean home, quiet time when it is actually quiet, an empty sink for longer than 10 minutes,  a minute to exercise without a toddler attempting to jump on me, and most importantly a floor free of crumbs, rouge princess shoes, half eaten goldfish, and angry dust bunnies.

Let me guess.....it's never going to happen.

There are four things that I desperately desire as a mom/wife/crazy person

1. happy family
2. artistic outlet
3. healthy body
4. clean home

I can successfully have three out of the four at any given time. However it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to have all four at once. I've been trying. Ohhhhhhh have I been trying. for approximately my 30 years. Failing each year----at something different.

For the past 4 years I put having a healthy body on the back burner....hell it wasn't even on a burner. It was buried under Dr. Pepper, ice cream binges, and Mc Donald's cheeseburgers! It wasn't important to me and I was too lazy to put in the work to change.

As time when on it was apparent that an unhealthy body had a negative effect on my "happy family". My kids were happy----but Scott and I weren't. We weren't unhappy. We weren't having troubles....but we weren't the best we could be. I was dragging us down. My self hate and victim talk wore us both out. I'd whine about not fitting in clothes. I'd cry about how ugly I felt. I'd complain and negate any compliment given to me. I'd given up......and it effected our family.

Making the change this summer to work towards a healthier me has been awesome. I'm so motivated and encouraged by the changes I see in my body. I'm down 28 pounds as of today!  ::fist bumps!!::  My relationship with my husband is improving because of a self confidence that is emerging from me. I feel good. Can I shout that? I FEEL DANG GOOD!!

 

 

Choosing to lose weight takes up time. I have to schedule time for exercise. I have to schedule time to actually make meals. It takes a lot more planning. A lot more effort. I'm so happy that I've stuck with it. Ooooh goodness was it tough in the beginning!! So many nights I wanted to just quit----but this time I didn't. I knew that I couldn't make the changes I wanted to make on my own. I'm a weakling. I prayed for the Lord to help me. He's given me strength---it's so great to just GIVE those problems to  Him.  Can I get really honest, it's probably the first time I've TRULY done that. Heyoooooo control freak.


But I can't do it all---something's gotta give.


1. happy family ( yes!! love my boogers)
2. artistic outlet ( painting my side table PLUM this evening....twelve types of excited!)
3. healthy body (werrrrrrkin on it.......)
4. clean house ( FAILURE. FAILURE. FAILETY. FAILLLLLLLL)


There are cheerios all over my house. Crusted food and crayon marks on my walls. Multiple piles of laundry to be done and NONE of them actually in a hamper. Dishes in the sink from last night.  LAST. NIGHT.


But I can't have it all.

You don't, right?????!!!!






Or is it just me...








or should I hire a cleaning service.


it only makes sense.

My first before/after shot

Update: No. They still don't fit. Yes. I'm obsessing. Yes. It's a problem. Yes. I'm going crazy over rings.

Moving on...

Today marks my 13th  week on weight watchers. If you're teetering with giving it a try. My three month  opinion is DO IT. The motivation and success I'm feeling way out weigh (see what I did there ((WINK))?) the cost in my opinion. I signed up during one of their free months. I think this month is one as well?  As long as you stick with it--and do the plan by the books----you'll see results.

Wins: Went clothes shopping yesterday. Down two full sizes since June. Get the heck outta here 16's!!!!! I put ALL my 16s in a large trash bag and took them to Goodwill. They are OUT OF MY HOUSE. So freeing. I did have the moment of "But what if I gain in back? or get pregnant again? and if, if if ifffy iffety iff?" and then I swallowed the worries and kicked that  size outta my life. I'm done with it. FOREVER. Cuss word.

and ooooooooooooooooh it felt so good.



Work: Right now I'm working on running. I'd like to challenge myself to run a 5K in the late winter/early spring. Right now, I can't run a full mile start to finish without walking. I'm mostly too scared to push myself. I have this weird phobia that I'll pass out, break my ankle, or explode into glitter if I do. Gonna push through that this week. *Hopefully*


I'm enjoying this new me. I knew I was always inside of here. I was just being suffocated by fast food, guilt, and 27 pounds extra baggage.

25 wedding rings

 

Can I tell you that I'm frustrated?

So frustrated about something very small.

I haven't work my wedding rings since I was pregnant with Noah. They started getting really tight and uncomfortable when I was about 5 months pregnant. I took them off then and began wearing my pseudo target ring then. It didn't bother be because I was pregnant---and it was last summer when it was hotter than hell EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

After Noah was born they still didn't fit and that was okay with me because Duh, I had just given birth.

Noah turned six months and they still didn't fit and it began to bother me. I even looked into getting them resized so they were bigger so I could wear them again. We couldn't free up the cash for that so in my green velvet box they continued to sit.

Noah's first birthday came and went---I've worn four different pseudo rings because they tarnish faster than I can lose weight.

I've been nervous to try them on since I started losing weight. Nervous and excited. I CANNOT wait to wear them again. I told myself that once I lost 25 pounds I would try them on. I waited because I wanted to avoid the disappointment of losing weight---yet STILL not fitting into them.


So this morning, I hopped on the scale.....and 25 pounds are GONE. I hit that milestone today. Super stoked I hopped off the scale and beelined straight to the drawer with my rings in them. Surely after 25 pounds gone my finger would slip right into my rings.

They don't.


I'm so disappointed. This is what I was afraid of.  I'm really proud of my progress. Twenty five pounds is a LOT of weight! However, this milestone is honetsly tainted by my frustrations of those dang rings.

Just being honest today. Hills and valleys.


Hills and Valleys.


The sun will come out tomorrow.


Choose joy.


blah blah blah.


:)

I lost my second chin.

Weighed in this morning at 175.2. I've lost 20 pounds. 20!!!!  Friends, that's exciting. I'm hitting a groove. Choosing healthy items are becoming second nature and I'm starting to no longer crave certain foods that I once thought were things I would NEVER be able to give up.  It's so true that once you train your body you really do crave healthier foods....it's no joke. The other night I wanted something sweet so I had  a sliced peach, banana, and cool whip and it was amazing. Totally fulfilled my hankering for something sweet. WHO IS THIS GIRL!? And where did her double chin go?!

On one of my lowest self confidence nights in late may I typed out a post and never hit publish. I do that a lot. I have 6 posts written that will most likely never be published. Writing is so incredibly therapeutic for me. Anyway, here is a portion of what I wrote. I'm sharing this because this was me 10 weeks ago and twenty pounds heavier. It's important when giving an honest account of my weight loss journey.



----"I don't want to be  ashamed of my appearance.  I don't want to feel guilty that people are judging me because I'm eating dessert. I don't want to feel panic that someone can tell my pants aren't buttoned all the way. I don't want to know that I can't pull my hair back in a ponytail because I know my hair tie is holding my pants together!

I also want to do this for my husband.  He loves me regardless----but he deserves the best version of myself.

 Probably the most important reason is that I don't want to pass my insecurities to Lilly.  I don't want her to grow up hating her body and  not respecting it for what it can do. God did not create our physique to damage it by filling it with fake foods with no nutrition. What am I teaching her by allowing myself to remain sedentary, eating junk, drinking junk, complaining about it, and DOING NOTHING. She will grow up to repeat the habits she sees. Making excuses. Blaming circumstances. Covering insecurities. I can't raise her with confidence knowing that my decisions ultimately will shape her image of herself.

I want to do this for others. I want to look good! I want to enjoy clothes---and wear fashions confidently. I don't want to attempt a trend while feeling like I'm doing the "fat girl version".  One of my main goals is to avoid the "Oh no---I'm the fattest girl in the room" feeling. It's terrible acknowledging it---and I'M DONE WITH IT.

I'm not there yet. Typing these words don't feel like truth--but I'd like to do this for the Lord.  Talking with John today he mentioned the word DEVOTED. I'd my weight loss to be a reflection of what God can do THROUGH me. I want this journey to be an act of worship. Taking care of myself---what he created could turn out to be my biggest act of worship. Being devoted and committed to a goal that results in a healthier Laura--I know this will not be possible without HIM being in the center. The moments I drift away from that will be when it becomes a struggle. Even as I'm typing---I feel my confidence emerging.


I CAN DO THIS. "

Crazy proud of the progress made. Can I say that out loud without being arrogant? Absolutely!!  God is working in me and through me. I am completely committed to this weight loss and HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND because for the first time in four years I'm sticking to it!  Here are some goals made in June---my 10 week updates are highlighted.
Goals:

• Button my colored denim without using a rubber band DONE! they fit perfectly and I dare say may be getting baggy in the next few weeks.
• Exercise 3 days a week Still a struggle to work in time for this---but I always try to get three good workouts in a week
• Cut down to coffee only ( diet soda only---sparingly)
• 1 Dr. Pepper a week (weaning down to only a few a month) This is one I was really worried about. I LOVE Dr. Pepper. Surprisingly I don't crave it anymore. I think I've found a new love in Green Tea from Sonic. Pretty awesome swap (8 WW points for a large to 0 WW points with a green tea!
• Eat breakfast at home
• healthy choices when eating out
• replacing snacks with fruits and/or veggies
• Lose 30 pounds in 6 months  2 and a half months in and down 20. I'm on my way!

I still have a long way to go. But I've tasted success and it's great. I love weight watchers and it's working for me.

I debated whether or not to set an end goal for weight loss. I think I'm ready. My Target Weight is 150. That will take me out of the obese category (that is so freaking hard to write out...obese. Sick) to the healthy weight range.

I'm so encouraged by my progress and honestly cannot wait to continue to lose.  My next big happy dance moment will be when others start to notice the changes.  My love language is Words of Affirmation and I know that when friends and acquaintances mention how I'm changing it will make my heart soar. I notice the changes in my body---how fun it will be to know others notice it as well!  May sound vain---but it's the truth.

Weekly Weigh ((6 weeks))

Happy Friday!

Friday's are my weigh in days with weight watchers so you can expect an update post each Friday. I'm super pumped because I lost another 1.8 pounds this week. That brings my 6 week total to 14.6 pounds. I'm headed in the right direction.

 I'm soooo proud of those activity points! That's the most I've logged in one week so far. Strides in the right direction, friends.

This past weekend was our family reunion as I mentioned before and I really let myself have a true free day on Saturday. It was nice. There are certain times when you really need to enjoy the food life has to offer--especially when it means your annual trip to Ivanhoes for a  mint brownie nut sundae,  salads covered in feta cheese, family rice crispie treat recipes, twizzlers, and fried buffalo bites..... So I let that happen and was super nervous for the remainder of the week. Annoyed my husband nervous. Like he told me  I was annoying---he doesn't do that unless it's BAAAAD. Oops!  Weight Watchers has built in weekly points that you are allowed to use in instances such as this---and dude I USED THEM.  I did feel guilty the entire week though--crazy guilty. Now that the scale proved that I could use them ALL  and still lose weight--I won't anymore.


I'm slowly trying to add in more exercise into my weekly routines. For the past few years I simply told myself that with kids---there was NO TIME to workout. NO TIME to waste on myself when there were children to love, meals to plan/prepare/cook, laundry piles, and interesting television on.

This is truly the first time since I had my first child that I've made an attempt at exercising on a regular basis. Talking with my brother ( he's a personal trainer and fitness guru--INTIMIDATING to this chubby) he said something that really sunk in. He told me that I would always find a reason to NOT work out as long and it wasn't actually scheduled in. Totally right. I started doing that last week.  Those days where it was in my calendar---I actually did I and didn't feel that mommy guilt.  It is MUCH easier to exercise when there is a glaring spot open where you have reserved the time to do it. I'm going to continue with that and keep on trucking.