Thursday, January 7, 2010

i haven't taken a picture all week...

This week has been RUFFFFF. I don't really wanna blog about it because I'll prolly start crying, but I'm going to because-- ahhhhh memories. Surprisingly, I do the best while I'm actually at school. Which totally blows my mind. I think it's because I'm so dang busy. I've been going in uber early each day so that I can practically beat the buses out of the parking lot. During the day I don't really have a spare moment to think about any woes I'm having. On Wednesday, I was literally trying to talk a ten year old freak (boy) out from under his desk while he barked like a dog at me. WHY AM I NOT GETTING PAID MORE? Once said boy was out from under his desk, he decided it would be an awesome idea to crawl up on the window sill and claw at it like he was in a cage. I didn't even tackle that one. I let him be and moved on with my lesson on shitzophrenia or changes in climate. whatever. ugh.

The hardest part of my day is right when I get home. I've lost it every. single. day. I get home cuddle with her and cry and cry. I missed her so much. I worry about everything. Does she remember me? Why isn't she smiling? Is she mad at me? Did she nap enough? Does she like the way Helen holds her more? Are the other kids clawing at her? Why does she have a bleeding diaper rash (yea, that pissed me off), I could totally take better care of her, Why have a baby if you can't even take care of her blah blah blah...tears tears tears.

I'm really trying to be positive (it's really showing, right? ). I almost have one week under my belt, week two will be stellar. Scott has talked me down off the "my life is over if I have to work one more day" cliff a quatrillion times.

I wish I had a cute picture of my darling. I don't. And that breaks my little teacher heart.

I promise to "suck it up and get over it" next week..... Right now I'm too busy wallowing in rice crispie treats and misery.


  1. you are doing great! of course she remembers you. you are her one and only MOMMA (and a fabulous one at that). hang in there. you are just trying to make sure you can afford some cute clothes for her. ;-)

  2. Laura my heart just breaks for you! I have seriously been thinking of you all week.